


If Only

by Wix



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, B.A.R.F. | Binarily Augmented Retro Framing, Fluff and Angst, Fun and Games, Healing, M/M, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-14 19:11:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13596528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wix/pseuds/Wix
Summary: The Avengers have tracked down the Winter Soldier and brought him into the fold, but Bucky isn't really back yet and Steve's hurting from the distance between him and his first love - and then there's the whole thing with Tony.It's okay though, they'll figure it all out...probably.





	If Only

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! So this is for the WinterIronShield Bang 2017! This challenge was a blast to work on, and it reunited me with my beta [Sophelia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sophelia/pseuds/Sophelia) who is lovely and amazing - THANK YOU!  
> And a special thank you to my artist **RsCreighton** who made me an amazing [podfic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13603791) (MY FIRST PODFIC!) for this bang! Please check it out!  
>  And final thanks to **annapods** for the beautiful coverart!

“He knows we’re here.” Natasha says calmly, and they all inch up to cast a quick glance over the shrubbery’s edge again at the small outside eating area where James Barnes, the Winter Soldier, sits not far away drinking his beverage in a calculated and deliberate sort of way.

“Are you sure?” Sam asks as they all continue glancing over the barrier, and Clint takes a second to take in their prey before he nods.

“Yeah, he knows.” He says. “So, I guess we should take it as a good thing that he hasn’t started running yet?”

“He’s ready to bolt.” Bruce says, clearly seeing something personally familiar in the stance of the other man from his own time on the run.

“But he’s waiting…I mean, he hasn’t taken off yet.” Steve points out hopefully. “That means he might _not_ run.” Nat pushes them all back down as they regroup behind the protection of the decorative plant wall.

“I’m pretty sure if you try to approach him Steve, he’s going to bolt.” She surmises and Steve looks like he wants to vault himself over the shrub and fly tackle the Winter Soldier regardless.

“I’m gonna try.” He says, moving to stand up and both Clint and Sam grab his arms to pull him back down.

“Cap, if you go over there he’s going to freak, and then Tony’s going to have to piss off the Pentagon _again_ when he has to hack back into their satellite feeds to track him back down again.”

“They’d have to know that I did it the first time in order to be angry about the ‘again’.” Tony states with a grin as Steve gets an unhappy little frown on his face.

“Okay, what if Nat-” Steve starts and Nat shakes her head, cutting him off.

“If he sees me start coming, he’s probably going to attack. He and I don’t exactly have the fuzziest of histories Cap.” She reminds him.

“Then what? Send Bruce?” He asks and they all stop to look at him with varying forms of disbelieving looks and arched eyebrows.

“Really?” Bruce asks after a temporary silence with a healthy amount of sarcasm in his voice.

“Winghead, if we throw Bruce at him we’re going to have our very own low budget reproduction of Godzilla.” Tony says with an amused look. “Complete with screaming locals and wonton property damage. People are going to think we hired Michael Bay it’s going to be so bad.”

“Then what? Stay here and continue stalking him from a distance until he’s too exhausted to run from us anymore and keels over?” Steve asks and Tony chuckles at some internal image that must present itself in his head.

“Well, that’s certainly one option.” He says. “But my back is already protesting all of this crouching and I don’t think those people are getting my best angle.” He motions to where some civilians are pointing their camera phones at them and snapping photos. They all wave awkwardly for the cameras for a moment before turning back to the situation at hand. “Besides, I think it’s clear that it’s time for us to use our secret weapon.”

“What’s that?” Clint asks curiously and Tony gets a grin, before sliding on a pair of obviously designer sunglasses.

“Me.” He says, standing up and stepping out from behind the shrub before anyone can stop him. He ignores Steve’s loud whispered hisses of his name and Clint’s horrible attempts at smothering his laughter as he walks confidently over to where Barnes is sitting, pulling out the other chair at the table and sitting down. “Hey there Soldier.”

 

+++

It was a known fact that Hydra was concerned about these ‘Avengers’, but the Asset (No – James…No – Bucky) can’t really for the life of him fathom _why_ ’. The small group of self-proclaimed ‘superheroes’ have been trailing him for the last few days. He’d originally thought that it was something that the Red Room survivor was managing but he’d recently learned that it was the Iron Man pilot who was doing it. He’d thought that he’d finally lost them a few hours ago after he’d pulled every trick in the book and he wanted to use this time to refill his body’s most basic need for food when he saw them rush over and hide behind the decorative fence shrubbery alongside the outside of the restaurant not even twenty feet away from him. Which of course meant that he was hearing everything they were saying perfectly clear.

The whole thing becomes even more ridiculous however, when he sees the people who are walking by glance down at the heroes crouched down with curious looks on their faces before either continuing on or stopping to take photos. It _also_ doesn’t help that those morons keep poking their heads over the top to look at him like a stupid game of whack-a-mole before ducking down again.

It’s the complete _lack_ of threat that probably keeps him in his seat as he waits to see what they decide to do next. He’s a little surprised when the dark haired one, the short one who pilots the suit of armor, stands up suddenly and just waltzes over to his table, pulling out the other chair and taking a seat like he owns the place.

“Hey there Soldier.” The man says with a careless tone and an unafraid smile. “Fancy meeting you here.” The Asset doesn’t say anything to the unwanted guest as the other man just waves down a waiter with a simple hand gesture. “Hello, good morning – Stephanie?” He asks, looking at her name tag and the young woman smiles. “Good morning Stephanie, may I get some coffee? Black, not decaf.” He requests and the woman nods before shuffling off. “You don’t mind if I have some coffee right? We’ve been chasing you since you got up at the crack of dawn and I wasn’t able to caffeinate properly.” The man makes a silly face where his nose scrunches up. “And I thought that Steve got up at ungodly hours. I’ll admit that he’s got nothing on you. And _damn_ can you cover ground when you want to. I would have been completely impressed if I didn’t also have to do it too.”

“You could have stopped following me.” The Asset informs him with a razor edge threat in the words and the other man waves him off as he smiles at the woman who brings his coffee.

“Thank you.” He tells her as he looks at him. “And if we had stopped following you as you say, we would have gotten pouted at. Do you _understand_ the power of a Captain America puppy dog eyed pout? Seriously, if we could weaponize that we’d have world peace within the hour.” He takes a sip of his drink, making a pleased sound before reaching out and grabbing a pack of sugar and pouring it in. “So, would you prefer I call you James, Barnes or Bucky for this little powwow?”

“Call me what you like.”

“James it is.” He says, stirring the coffee and taking another sip. “You know, my best friend’s name is James, I never call him it but there’s some random trivia for you.” He puts the cup down on the table and looks at him. “You know why we’re here right?” The Asset doesn’t say anything. “We’re here to take you home.”

“I have no home.” He states and the other man waves it off.

“Any place Steve hangs his hat and calls home is immediately by extension, your home too.” He answers him and something about that statement sounds right, but the Asset pushes it down. He’s not James Buchanan Barnes, he’s the Winter Soldier and he has a mission to carry out. He doesn’t have time for distractions and he certainly doesn’t have time for Captain America. “Now, if you really want, we can keep playing this game of cat and mouse.” The man presses on without prompting. “Clint’s already got our disguises so that we can blend into any environment.” The man smiles. “Trust me, you _don’t_ want us following you around in trench coats and fedoras over our costumes.” He warns. “Although, we do have newspapers to hide behind so you might not even realize we’re there.” The Asset arches an eyebrow.

“You’d do that?” He can’t help but ask with a healthy amount of disbelief in his voice and he catches a glimpse of all of the other Avengers with their heads sticking up over the shrub and he realizes that he already knows the answer to that.

“Oh that and more my friend, that and so much more. I mean, Clint’s still sad that Nat and Sam didn’t let him rent that taco truck that played ‘La Cucaracha’ for a surveillance vehicle.” The Asset can’t help the arched eyebrow he gets at that information and the other man chuckles before he just gives the Asset a relaxed smile. “Come on, come back with us. What would be so bad about it? At the very least you’d have a secure place to rest, get cleaned up and eat. You know you wouldn’t have to worry about those dicks at Hydra.” He offers. “Plus – as a special bonus since you’re an old friend of Cap’s, and any friend of Cap’s is immediately a friend of mine by proxy, I’ll fix whatever that is going on with your hand.” The man’s eyes glance down and the Asset feels himself tense as he takes his hand off the tabletop and slides it underneath and out of sight. The small tremble that’s been present since his last Hydra base raid is something that he’d rather keep as quiet as possible. It’s a weakness that he can’t risk letting out into the world. “You can leave anytime you want, but I know you know that we’re just going to track you down again.” The man’s smile turns into a mischievous grin suddenly, like he’s just gotten the best idea ever. “But I’m not going to lie, you should totally wait until Thor returns. I can barely imagine what a stealth mission with Thor would look like but now I really want to do it.” He laughs to himself. “Can you _imagine_? Thor, Son of Odin looking like a bad noir detective? Classic I tell you, absolutely hysterical. That’s the kind of picture you put on the Christmas cards.” There’s silence between the two of them before the Asset decides to retouch on a subject.

“You’d fix it?” He asks for clarification’s sake. He knows of this man’s work, the whole world knows of it and waits with bated breath for whatever new marvels this man will unveil for them. There were several times that Hydra almost sent the Asset after him, to bring him to heel and get him under their control, but the final order was always never sent. He can’t deny that it would be worth it, to take a moment – to… _deal_ with whatever ghost Captain America thinks he sees when he looks at him – to allow this man to fix whatever is happening. Far too many times he’s lost the use of his last two fingers and there’s a worrying tremble that’s starting to appear in the middle one. How long before the whole hand is useless to him? The other man gets that amused look on his face again, and there’s a kind of mirthful twinkle in his eyes over the rims of his sunglasses.

“I’ll do so much more than just ‘fix it’.” He says. “Trust me Terminator, once you go Stark, you don’t go back.” The Asset hears groans coming from the bushes at the man’s almost sexual innuendo laced tone. “If you want, I’ll even build you a new one. Pure Stark Tech. I guarantee it’ll blow that little piece of junk out of the water if you’re willing to put in the time.” The words are a promise, and they’re a promise that the Asset can’t possibly hope to ignore.

“What’s your price?” He asks and the other man gives a thoughtful hum as he takes another lazy drink of his coffee.

“You’ll have to stay within the tower until production is complete. I know you know what _that_ entails.” He does, it means the blond will be around each and every corner and he’ll be unable to get away from those searching blue eyes and their _hope_. “Do that and we’re square – oh, and don’t like murder anyone. Murdering’s bad, just in case no one’s told you that recently.” He gets that devil may care grin again and the Asset almost wants to sigh.

But he feels the tremor against his leg and he knows that he can’t ignore this offer. This is the man that Hydra wanted so badly, that they were willing to sacrifice all of their scientists and engineers for, _willingly_ creating for him new technology for which he can use against them. It’s too good to pass up and he can tell that the other man knows this too. There’s a few moments where he stares down the man, who carelessly sips his drink before the Asset nods only to see the man smile again so easily before pulling out a few large bills and dropping them on the table. He holds out a hand afterwards.

“Tony Stark, at your service.” ‘Tony Stark’ introduces himself to him.

It’s a meeting that will be forever burned into his memory. 

 

+++

“Alright kids, let’s blow this popsicle stand.” Tony says as they all board the jet and he pretends that he isn’t watching the whole drama that’s unfolding out of the corner of his eye. James Buchanan Barnes steps slowly into the loading area, but Tony can see how his hands are just the right shade of ‘casually loose’ by his sides, just conveniently hanging next to his gun holsters and Tony can see that if Rogers continues with his slow inching towards the other man they’re all going to have a problem. He turns to share a glance with Natasha, and she observes how Barnes clearly believes that if things went south that he could take them all on.

Who knows, perhaps he could.

He knows that she sees the same look in Steve’s eyes that he’s seen – like he just wants to rush over to the tense brunet and envelop his old lover in a huge hug that will certainly not be received well despite Steve’s honest and genuine intentions. Tony wonders if Steve realizes on some level that the absolute last thing that they need is Steve doing that and triggering the Winter Soldier while the plane is in the air. Tony may have managed to catch all those government employees out of thin air over remote control last time, but he’d rather not test fate and try something like that again – especially when he’ll be one of the falling people as well.

He sees Sam out of the corner of his eye get a look, which he nudges Clint for and motions with a small incline of his head to the super soldiers. Clint glances and rolls his eyes before he nudges Bruce’s arm and motions the doctor’s attention over to the two of them. Bruce sees it, and honest to god _sighs_ like he’s so put upon before he nudges Nat. Nat of course, having already seen it, glances at Tony with an arched eyebrow like he’s supposed to do something about this. It only takes a moment before everyone else seems to jump on Natasha’s bandwagon and they’re all giving him varying ‘meaningful’ looks as they subtly (not subtly at all) glance in Steve’s direction and back at him.

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, resigned to his usual fate of corralling Captain America, and throws a hand up in a ‘fine, fine I’m going’ sort of gesture before he steps between Steve and Barnes and puts a hand on the inner part of Steve’s arm.

“Hey Cap, come with me real quick? I need a word.” He asks and Steve looks at him, clearly unsure if he’s willing to do what’s been asked of him. “Please?” Tony presses and he nods and lets Tony lead him into the small medical area where Tony’s able to close them in and separate them from the danger that’s clearly present on the jet with them. “Cap, I get it. We all get it, but you know that there’s a time and place for certain things right?” Tony asks. “And you know it’s saying something if even I’m saying that this…this isn’t that time.”

“I just want to-” Steve starts and Tony nods, reaching out and putting a hand on his arm in an attempt to comfort him.

“I know, I know you do…but you’re not the only one in this equation.” He tells him. “And right now? The other side _really_ needs you to give him some space.” Tony presses on. “Maybe not forever, but certainly for right now.” He says gently and Steve lets out a shaky sigh with a small nod.

“I know, God I know.” Steve says before he gets this haunted, faraway look in his eyes. “I just…It’s _killing_ me to look at him like this. To see him think that he’s all alone when I’m _right here_.” There’s a heavy emotion that’s leaking through Steve’s voice and Tony becomes slightly terrified that Steve’s going to start crying.

Tony doesn’t know what to do with a crying person. Heaven knows that Pepper and Rhodey know that best. Tony panics and gets all locked up and sometimes (it’s only happened twice but apparently Rhodey is calling that a habit) he cries too. “I know he remembers me.” Steve continues. “I know he does. He has to remember something or else why pull me out of that river? Why stop?” He asks and Tony doesn’t have an answer for him, but he desperately wishes that he did. “I mean, I know that it’s a miracle that he’s even _here_ …but then I think about what Hydra did to him…what I let Hydra do to him-”

“You didn’t let Hydra do jack shit.” Tony interjects quickly and firmly, but Steve shakes his head.

“They were only able to do that because of me…because I didn’t go back for him-” Steve’s voice cuts off with a horrifyingly wet hiccup and Tony acts on instinct. He reaches out immediately and tugs Steve to him, letting Steve wraps his arms around him as Steve buries his face in Tony’s shoulder and holds on tight.

“It wasn’t your fault Steve, it _wasn’t_.” Tony promises him. “Even I’ve done the calculations on that kind of drop. Trust me, there should have been no chance of survival, and even if you had gone back there wouldn’t have been anyone there. This wasn’t your fault. _Please_ believe me. It wasn’t your fault and I sincerely doubt that the man out there, be he the ‘Winter Soldier’ or Bucky Barnes, blames you either.”

“I should have gone back anyways.” Steve whispers into his shoulder a few moments of silence later. “He’d have gone back for me.” And the way Steve says those words breaks Tony’s heart. It sounds like a condemnation and a confession rolled into one sentence and Tony wishes that he could take that thought and chuck it into the fucking sun.

“You’ve come back for him now.” Tony whispers back to him. “You’ve come back for him.” There’s a heavy weight to those words that Tony’s been holding by himself for weeks now. It’s funny that it chooses to rear its angry head now of all times and Tony pushes it back into the dark recesses of his mind. Now is not the time for such thoughts. “He’s going to get better, he’s going to, I promise you that.” Tony says to the other man. “And have I ever broken a promise to you?” He asks and Steve lets out a wet chuckle as he shakes his head. “I’m not going to start now. You asked me for my help, you asked me to bring him back to you.” Those words had burned like acid when Steve had first said them to him and he’s unhappy to learn that they’re still burning him now. “I promised you I will, and I intend to keep that promise. No matter what.” Tony just lets Steve keep holding onto him as he says this to him. In the back of his mind he doesn’t doubt that Barnes is hearing them, or potentially _could_ be hearing them if he felt like it. He hopes that the man agrees with everything he’s said to Steve, because if he tries to blame Steve or put some kind of weight or guilt on him then Winter Soldier or not – he’d better start running. “Just…just let him get settled okay? Let him feel as comfortable and as safe as he can possibly feel, and then you can probably start trying to broach the ‘epic romance’ that he’s currently missing out on.” The surprised, smothered laugh is a victory as Steve pulls his head back from Tony’s shoulder to look down at him with an amused look on his face.

“Epic romance?”

“Yup.” Tony says with a smile. “You do realize that this is the sort of shit that I’d expect to see in a Nicolas Sparks novel.” Tony watches the confused look in Steve’s eyes and presses on to explain himself. “Two soldiers across time find their way back to one another, but surprise! One of them has amnesia and the other must remind him of their history together and help him fall in love with him again, only for him to realize that the feelings were always there in the first place.” Tony scrunches his nose like the image physically pains him and Steve gets a small smile at it. “Seriously, it’s embarrassing. I can’t believe I’m stuck in a Nicolas Sparks novel. I’ll never forgive you for this Steven.” He jokes and Steve chuckles a little before he takes a moment to himself and nods.

“You’re right.” He says and Tony gets a grin.

“I usually am, but please feel free to say it again, and often. I do love hearing it after all.” He says and Steve chuckles again.

“Thank you Tony, for everything you’ve done.” He says and Tony unwraps an arm to wave him off, but Steve catches his wrist before he can do it and meets his eyes. “No, honestly Tony, _thank you_. Without you…none of this could have happened.” He says in that all too earnest way that only Steve can do things with and Tony looks away from him with a shrug.

“Well, what are friends for?” He asks and there’s something painful in those words, something that Tony’s forced to bury again as he presses on. “We’re not out of the woods just yet.” He says, bringing the conversation back to the beginning and searching Steve’s face for some kind of understanding. “There’s a long way to go. Just because he’s chosen to come along with us right now doesn’t mean he’s any closer to being the man you remember.” Tony takes a second to lay out the painful truth of Steve’s and Bucky’s situation. “And I know you probably don’t want to hear it…but he may never fully get back to that man. He’s been through a lot and you have to be ready for that…you have to be ready to accept him as he is now, right now in this moment and not for the memory of the man he was. If you can’t do that…you’ll lose him permanently, and nothing any of us can do will fix that.” Tony keeps his voice soft and concerned, and Steve nods.

“I understand that, and to be honest I don’t care. He’s Bucky in all his forms, he’s my Bucky. And I’m grateful that we even get this chance and I’ll fight tooth and nail to keep it.” Steve’s voice finally comes out stronger, and the stubbornness that Tony’s used to seeing in his eyes has returned and Tony smiles.

“There he is, I was getting worried for a while there, you weren’t acting like the Steve Rogers I’d come to know.” He jokes and Steve smiles back down at him. “Come on Cap, let’s go do this.”

The plane lands on Stark Tower not long afterwards and Tony can see the tension in Barnes’ body that hasn’t lessened a bit. Steve slowly approaches Barnes and gives him a hopeful smile.

“Um, we’re here. Stark Towers, it’s our home…well, it’s Tony’s home but he lets us live here with him.” Steve’s voice turns slightly unsure and he starts rambling about something or other and Tony sends a glance to Clint who shakes his head and looks at Nat, who just crosses her arms with an eyebrow raise before looking at Sam, who determines that he’s more interested in watching his painful train wreck happen, so she turns to Bruce who shakes his head in sympathy – and then yet again in a replay of earlier, they all slowly turn to Tony to be the one to step in again.

 _‘Are you kidding me right now?’_ Tony mouths to them and Nat makes a motion with her finger for him to get over there and intervene. Steve hasn’t stopped rambling through the entire event, stumbling over where Barnes is going to sleep at night because of course he’s welcome in Steve’s room, but Steve doesn’t really think that Bucky wants to be there, but Bucky’s welcome – and it’s just painful to watch so Tony rolls his eyes and steps in.

“Come on Robo-Cop.” He says as he comes over, lifting Barnes’s bag (which was probably foolish considering how heavy it was and how Barnes’s fist clenches) “Dear god what do you have in this? A dead body?” It hits him in the leg and the sensation is certainly much harder than a body. “Weapons. Fun. I actually think this is heavier than the suit.” He says as he starts off the plane. “Come on, let’s get you settled in. I’ve already got a room set up for you.” He looks at the rest of them. “I’ll catch up with you guys in a minute, let me get Barnes here situated.” There’s a brief moment where Barnes is just looking at him with those intense eyes and Tony gives him a look and a head motion for him to hurry up. “Let’s go, I’m not getting any younger and this bag isn’t getting any lighter.” Barnes must come to some kind of conclusion because he steps around Steve and comes down the ramp, following after Tony into the building. “No seriously, what do you have in this? I was thinking clothes or maybe a book or two, but what is this? Like two hundred pounds? If I open this am I going to find a tank?” Tony’s rambling as he keeps walking down the hall and Barnes goes to reach for it but Tony swats his hand away, obviously to the surprise of the renowned assassin. “No, no. You’re the guest and I’m trying to be a good host. I’ve got it.” He says and Barnes gives him that look again, but Tony presses on till he gets to the door he’s looking for. “Alright, here we are.” He presses the door open and steps in. “Alright, lights please J.” He says and the lights click on a moment later.

Tony drags the bag to the bed and overdramatically drops it on it, falling on it himself for a second like he’s just climbed Mt. Everest and survived to tell the tale. “Whew, it’s over.” Tony mutters to himself before he rolls onto his back and pushes up on his elbows to look at Barnes. “So, this is your suite, if that wasn’t obvious already so feel free to treat it as your own.” Tony shifts to rest on one elbow before motioning to the room. “So, most of it is self-explanatory, but for ‘good host’ appearances I’ll go through it anyways. This is the bedroom-ish area of the suite as you can tell.” He pats the bed under him. “That’s the lounge area complete with your own media center. Any movie or station you want to see, just ask J and he’ll cue it up for you.” Tony pushes himself up into a fully sitting position. “That’s the closet over there, I’ve already gotten some sample sizes and options in there so feel free to peruse at your own leisure.”

He watches as Barnes’s eyes are glancing back and forth around the room while he talks, taking in all of the corners, windows and items available. It’s a thing that Tony’s seen Nat and Clint do and it’s slightly amusing in his own way. “I feel like somehow I’ve become the least interesting thing in the room and I’ve got to tell you, I’m not used to being on someone’s bed and having that thought pass through my mind.” Barnes gives him an arched eyebrow and it’s the most emotion that Tony’s gotten from him so he’ll take it for a win. “But don’t go getting used to it. You won’t be seeing this again. So consider yourself lucky.” Tony pushes himself back up to his feet as he glances around the room to determine if he’s forgotten anything. “Um…that’s the bathroom over there and I think that’s it? Don’t worry about the hot water, it’s unlimited. It used to freak Steve out, probably still does if I’m honest. No clue why, I assume it’s his Great Depression era days.” He stops and looks at the soldier. “Anything I missed?”

“J?” Barnes asks and Tony chuckles at himself as he motions to the ceiling.

“Sorry, my bad. I keep forgetting that people don’t really know about JARVIS. J is JARVIS, say hi buddy.”

 ** _“Hello Sgt. Barnes.”_** JARVIS answers and Tony sees how Barnes tenses.

“Don’t worry, he’s not some ‘eye in the sky’ agent who’s watching your every move. He’s a lot less that and a lot more Sky Net…and we actually better hope that he continues thinking those movies are a silly and absurd way for an AI to respond to mankind.”

 ** _“Quite so sir.”_** JARVIS snarks back and Tony smiles and shrugs at Barnes to try and put him at ease.

“JARVIS is an AI if I were to give a simple answer as for who he is. The complicated answer tends to confuse people so I tend just to stick with AI. He monitors the entire Tower and he’ll be able to assist you if you need something. Just say the word and he’ll be there.” Tony can tell that Barnes still isn’t really happy about it. “He’s invaluable, trust me. And don’t worry, you’ll get used to him. Steve used to jump back in the beginning as well.” The soldier gives him a look like he’s trying too hard to interject Steve into the conversation and Tony figures he deserves it. “Yeah, yeah I know – I’m transparent.” He says with a shrug in response. He walks over to Barnes and motions for him to hand him his arm. The other man takes a moment before he does and Tony looks it over quickly. “Well…my initial diagnosis was correct. This is a piece of crap.” He turns it a few more times, feeling the seams and shaking his head before he lets go. “But don’t worry about it. I’ve already got _ideas_. You’re gonna love them.” He turns and walks to the door. “Oh, and on a final note – this door has a magnetic lock. If you don’t want anyone to come into your room you can lock it manually or ask J to keep certain people out. The only time it’s overridden is if something has happened in the room that JARVIS feels requires immediate intervention or assistance.”

“It’ll keep all of you out?” The soldier asks and there’s a challenging undertone to his voice and Tony just catches his gaze and holds it.

“Yes it will.” He assures him. “While you’re here, while this is your room, only you get to determine who comes into it. No one has the right to just come in here without your permission, not even me.” He holds Barnes’s gaze until Barnes seems to see whatever it is he’s looking for in Tony’s eyes. “Get cleaned up, and then come down to the lab. I’ll get started on the measurements right away.” With that, Tony turns and leaves the room, ignoring the look that the soldier is giving him the whole time. 

 

+++

“He responds well to Tony.” Natasha is saying and Steve can’t help but cross his arms at the statement. “It’s probably because he’s delegated Tony to a civilian. Or at the very least as someone who can’t overpower him or really cause him any problems.”

“Ghee, thanks for the vote of confidence Nat.” Tony says with an amused smirk and Steve doesn’t really feel like this is a laughing matter. Anything could happen, anything could go wrong and the team wants to throw Tony up to it? To let Tony deal with that all on his own?

“No, she’s probably right. Out of all of us, you’re the safest bet. You’ve had no formal training and without the suit you’re not a physical threat.” Sam adds and Tony sticks his tongue out at Sam.

“When I paint the wings hot pink the next time I service them, remember this moment and you’ll know why.” He threatens with a grin and Sam shakes his head with an amused snort.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. What if he gets hurt?” Steve says, voicing his concerns about the plan to have Tony act as the gatekeeper for Bucky while he’s in the Tower and the brunet looks at him.

“I’ll be as careful as I can be.” He says in an attempt to calm or put him at ease, but for some reason it doesn’t work. There’s a feeling in him that says that man in there is still his Bucky, but there’s the part of Bucky that’s new, and it’s the new part that has him worried. It’s a wild card and while Steve could hold his ground if the Winter Soldier decided to lash out, Tony doesn’t have that kind of luxury or security. “Although I will admit that I do think that you should be in the room as often as possible.” Tony says, surprising him a little and going in direct opposition to what the others have been saying. “I mean, I understand where you’re all coming from and I don’t think that Steve should be bothering him or anything, but more like offering yourself up as a conversation starter. Let him have the option of being able to reach out to you at his leisure, whenever he wants to.”

“I like that idea.” Steve says and he gets a few snorts all around.

“You would.” Sam says with amusement in his voice. “I mean, I guess that is one way to handle this.”

“As long as you don’t push it.” Nat warns him. “The Winter Soldier is _dangerous_. And while he may not be dangerous to you per se, he is dangerous to everyone else in the building.”

“All the more reason why I should be there.” Steve argues. “Just in case something happens. I’m the only one who could potentially stop him.”

“Well, hopefully it never comes to that.” Tony says and Steve can’t help but agree desperately with him. He’s actually not really sure what he’ll do if Bucky attacks. After all, he can’t hurt Bucky but he also won’t stand by and let him hurt anyone else. He really doesn’t want to deal with another version of Project Insight. “Besides, he’s being pretty cool about all of this. I think on some level he understands that while we’re a threat, we’re not a direct threat to him. That and he’s getting something out of this.”

**_“Sir, sorry to interrupt, but on that note you asked me to inform you when Sgt. Barnes was making his way to the lab.”_ **

“Well I guess that’s my cue. Time to earn my keep.” Tony jokes as he starts to walk past him and Steve notices how no one else moves with him and he’s reaching out and catching Tony’s arm before he’s even realized what he’s doing.

“Wait, by yourself?” He asks and Tony gives him a confused look before nodding.

“Well…yeah?”

“Tony! We just got done saying how that’s dangerous. You can’t be alone when you’re working on his arm. Anything could happen.”

“He’s right, the Winter Soldier could trigger or he could just plain lash out. He’s probably got some untreated PTSD dealing with that little addition.” Clint says in solidarity. “It’ll be like poking the injured bear in the wound with a stick.”

“He’s less likely to be comfortable if there are other people standing around and that’ll actually make the chances of him lashing out greater.” Tony replies. “I mean, did you see him at the café? I mentioned his fingers and I thought that he was going to punch me in the face and flee. If I’m going to do what I promised him I’d do then I need a good look at what I’m working with and he’s unlikely to let that happen with an audience.”

“That’s too bad.” Steve says firmly. “We’ll stand back, but you’re having someone else down there and that’s final. I’m not going to put you at risk just because I want to help Bucky.” There’s a stubborn glint in the brunet’s eyes and Steve quickly presses on before Tony can pull away. “I won’t let something happen to you because you were helping me. I’d never forgive myself…please don’t ask me to do that.” He says softly, lowering his voice to something just between him and Tony, and he watches whatever fight that Tony was clearly about to pick bleed out of him. He gives a small nod a second later.

“Okay…if you stay back, I’m sure he’ll understand.” He doesn’t sound like he believes it.

“I’m coming too.” Nat says and it’s clear that she’s telling them what is going to happen and not offering them a choice. Tony runs a hand through his hair.

“Oh goodie…I don’t foresee this going wrong _at all_.” He says before motioning for them to follow him. They catch up to Bucky in the hallway and Steve tries to hide the hurt that he feels when it’s clear that Bucky is not happy that they’re going to be in the room with them.

They enter the room and Steve watches as Bucky takes in the lab. It’s funny to watch the surprise and curiosity that crosses his face and Steve’s not surprised. It’s always exciting to be down in Tony’s lab. It’s like being at a Stark Expo every single day and Steve’s glad to find out that feeling is universal. Tony immediately steps forward, prepping his workstation and ordering DUM-E around lest the bot get into trouble by trying to be helpful. There’s a glint on Bucky’s leg that Steve notices when Tony waves for him to come forward and immediately Steve frowns and tenses.

“I don’t think those are necessary.” He says, motioning to the gun and knife that Bucky still has on his person. Bucky tenses up at those words and Steve watches as he starts to coil, before Tony reaches out and grabs his metal wrist, tugging him towards the scanner.

“As long as they don’t get used, I’m cool with them being here for now.” He says, practically dragging Bucky alongside him before depositing him in the scanning circle. “Are we on the same page with that?” Tony asks and Bucky takes a second before he gives him a curt nod. “Okay then, let’s get this party started. J, I need a scan of his arm, full workup and measurements please.” Tony says as he grabs a stool and drags it over, plopping himself down on it while grabbing a marker and becoming all business as those blue holographic screens pop up.

They mean nothing to Steve, but it’s clear that they speak to Tony as he flips through a few of them, pushes some further into the background and pulls a few others close, squinting at them and biting his lip in concentration as he rotates Bucky’s wrist and marks lines on it with the marker. Bucky just watches Tony’s movements, and each time his fingers tap on his leg next to the knife Steve feels his gut tighten up in fear that _this_ time will be the time that he lashes out.

He hates feeling that way.

“How’s it looking?” Steve finds himself asking when the room’s been silent for far too long and Tony makes a huffing sound.

“Like I want to punch whoever created this in the throat, but not half as much as I want to kick the guy who put it on him in the balls.” Tony says, looking at several screens with the frown that’s been growing on his face for a while now. “God…what the fuck did they do to you?” Tony mutters at Bucky, not really to him, just saying it and Bucky seems to register it because he doesn’t respond. “This is…monstrous.” Tony says, shaking his head and standing up. “Guys, I need the room real quick.” He says to them and Steve immediately protests.

“What? Why?” He asks and Tony glances at him with this unreadable look in his eyes.

“Cap, I _need_ you to trust me and step outside for a moment. Nat, please take him.” He almost gives a fight still but Nat drags him out and the door slides closed.

“What is he doing?” Steve asks as Tony turns away from them and pulls up a screen that goes black on their side so that they can’t see whatever is on it. It’s clear that his back is to them so that they can’t read his lips a few moments later.

“He’s sympathizing with Barnes.” Nat answers. “Tony knows a thing or two about unwanted body modifications done horribly.” The weight of what she’s saying hurts Steve as he thinks about the ARC reactor sitting in Tony’s chest. “God Tony, why are you doing this to yourself?” Nat whispers and Steve probably wouldn’t have heard it if he didn’t have the serum.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing Steve, forget it.” She says and Steve feels like he’s missed something important. He takes a second before he tries a different route.

“Do you think Bucky will listen to him?” He asks and Nat watches the two of them in the room. She watches their behaviors in a way that Steve can’t hope to comprehend and she must see something because she nods right as Tony tugs down the collar of his shirt to reveal the ARC to Bucky.

“Yeah, I think he will.” She answers him. “But then again, Tony’s really good at getting people to listen to him when he really wants them to, and something says he really wants Bucky to.”

“Why would he ‘really want Bucky’ to?” He asks and she gives him a look like he’s being particularly dense.

“Because _you_ want it.” She answers him. “And whatever you want, Tony wants it for you.” She says and there’s an undercurrent of reproach in her voice that Steve’s not a hundred percent sure what to do with.

+++

The Asset watches as the two leave the room, one a little more willingly than the other before the Mechanic turns back to him.

“Okay, all the cards on the table.” He waves a hand and one of the screens comes forward. It’s a body scan of his arm and he’s not sure how he feels about it being paraded around like this. “Don’t worry, it’s on blackout. Only you and I can see this.” The Mechanic says as though he could read his mind before he presses on. “I can’t fix your arm in good conscience and _not_ fix all of this crap.” He zooms in on the shoulder and the bone. “What they did to the shoulder docking? Is messed up. It looks like they fucking _bolted_ it to your collarbone.” He shakes his head and there’s a look of…horror maybe? Disbelief? Pity? “Holy shit this is bad. I can see why they’d do it, probably to deal with the weight problem…which makes me absolutely horrified at the realization that they couldn’t have known about the weight problem until it _became_ a problem.” He turns to him. “This isn’t the first time someone’s gone in to re-adjust the shoulder docking is it?” He asks and it’s clear that he already knows the answer when the Asset shakes his head. “Shit…I’m sorry. That shouldn’t have…damn it, fuck those Hydra guys. They all need to burn in hell and I don’t even believe in hell.”

“They will.” The Asset says darkly and the Mechanic turns to look at him with tired, almost _understanding_ eyes and that rankles him for some reason.

“I…I have to fix this. I can’t attach another arm to this without fixing it first.”

“It’s fine just do-”

“It’s _not_ fine.” The other man cuts him off. “You’ve got to be in pain, _extreme_ pain all the time. I know that the serum has to be helping with some of that, but there’s no way you don’t feel it.”

“It’s not your concern.” He snaps at him and there’s that pity again, mixed with something else.

“It is, and I’m not going to help you out only to half-ass it. I’m not saying that I’m not going to build you the arm, I’m just saying that I want to throw in a new shoulder mount and docking.”

“What do you care?” The Asset snaps feeling strangely annoyed and irritated, and the other man takes a second, staring at him before he sighs and tugs at the collar of his shirt, pulling it down and revealing the strange blue light that’s been under his shirt the whole time.

“This is the ARC reactor.” He says, and he says it slowly like he’s not really comfortable with revealing this device to the Asset. “It keeps me alive, it keeps my heart protected…but it wasn’t put in inside a medical facility or a lab. I woke up in the middle of open heart surgery in the middle of a cave in the desert. Yin-” He cuts off at the name like it’s painful to say and he clears his throat and starts again a second later. “The doctor who had been kidnapped with me did everything he could, but as you can imagine, he could only do so much. As it turns out, I’m not really a fan of bad modifications, in myself or in others. Go figure.” He pulls the shirt back up, blocking the strange device from his sight again. “Just…please. Let me fix this.”

“How much?”

“Time?” The other man asks, almost flippantly like he’s intentionally misunderstanding what the Asset is asking. “It shouldn’t take much longer. The production can be completed at the same time, but there’s the small, little, absolutely unimportant issue of healing.” He glances back at the screen. “We’ll have to take it off, and let it rest. The serum should hopefully restore the damage as it’s been trying to do over all these years, the moment that happens we can connect the new docking. After that, I’d say about a week before we actually attach the arm itself to it.”

“How much?” He asks again, a little more firmly and the other man shrugs.

“Like I was just saying, I’m not sure how much time. It really depends on your own personal healing rate. I think it should be pretty quick though considering how fast Steve heals.”

“How much?” He growls, not really interested in playing this game and the Mechanic sighs.

“It’s free.” He replies, looking tired suddenly. “If what you’re asking for is how much I’m going to _charge_ you for this, the answer is nothing. Take it and run with it, because believe me, so few things in the world are truly free.”

“So you want _nothing_ from me?” The Asset asks, disbelief clear in his tone.

“Nope. Anything you could give me I could get elsewhere. I don’t want anything from you except for you to…I don’t know, I don’t want to use the term ‘get better’ but I guess that’s what it is. I want you to heal and I want you to get better.” He moves over and grabs the marker again, coming over and reaching for his shoulder before he starts marking new marks on the metal.

The Asset doesn’t fight him, just lets the Mechanic maneuver him as he sees fit while he watches. 

 

+++

“He’s doing fine.” Tony says, hunched over his desk as he scribbles something or other for Stark Industries.

“Oh, I wasn’t here for that, but thanks.” Steve says, coming over and putting down the bowl. “It was Clint’s turn to make dinner.” He says in offering and Tony gives him a look.

“I thought Clint’s day was Thursday?”

“Tony…it _is_ Thursday.” Steve responds slightly amused when he sees the wide eyed look on the other man’s face.

“Shit.” Tony says as he rubs a hand over his face. “No wonder Pepper’s been ‘subtly’ dropping hints that this needs to be done asap.” He makes grabby hands for the bowl and Steve pushes it towards him with a smile.

“I hope Bucky’s not taking up too much of your time.” He says and Tony takes a bite of food with a shrug.

“It’s fine. I offered.” He says and Steve nods.

“Still…thank you Tony. I don’t know if he’s thanked you, but thanks.”

“It’s fine. He’s important to you.” Tony says.

“So?”

“That makes him important to me.” Tony mumbles around a bite of food and it makes Steve pause for a second. It sounds too close to the statement that Natasha said to him a while back and he sees Tony glance up with a frown. “Did I say something wrong? If I did, ignore me. I haven’t slept in far too long.” He takes another bite, looking like the sheer act of chewing might just be expending too much energy.

“I just…you know you can take a break, if you need it.” He says and Tony chuckles.

“Can’t. He’s a one armed menace.” Tony shakes his head. “I swear, Pepper would _love_ him. He’s all up on me to stay on schedule.”

“Did you want me to say something to him?” Steve asks, and he knows he totally will. Tony’s got a lot of extra responsibilities on his plate between SI and all his other projects. As Fury once told him, Tony Stark didn’t get the luxury of sick days or rest days because if he ever took one off he’d certainly crash the market or people would lose their jobs.

“Nah, it’s fine. He’s not that bad about it, he’s just really antsy.” Tony says with a shake of his head. “Maybe we should invite him to ‘team bonding’ or whatever we’re calling it these days. Oh! I know, paintball. I bet you he’d have a blast.”

“You want to pit the Black Widow, Hawkeye and the Winter Soldier against each other?” Steve asks with an arched eyebrow and Tony takes a second to think about it.

“You know, normally I would say ‘ignore me, I’m sleep deprived’ but that’s just an _awesome_ idea. We could make teams.”

“You wouldn’t be able to be in the armor.”

“Then Sam doesn’t get his wings.”

“You hate ‘team bonding’ when you can’t be in the armor.”

“Then you should totally let me play paintball in the suit.” Tony fires back with a smile and Steve shakes his head with a snort.

“I’ll put it in the pipeline.”

“I’ll ask James if he wants to.” Steve tilts his head.

“Will Rhodes be in town?” He asks, slightly confused to be hearing Tony call the other man by his given name and not one of the hundreds of pet names that he’s accumulated for the man over the years during their friendship.

“What? No?” Tony asks, and it takes him a second before he catches onto the confusion. “Oh! I’m trying new names for Barnes. He’s not a fan of anyone but you calling him ‘Bucky’ right now, makes sense since it’s someone that he doesn’t feel _is_ him. Barnes feels too dispassionate at this point and I’ve been all up in his servers so I think a first name basis is a given.”

“Does he…respond to it?” He asks and Tony takes a moment, munching on his bite leisurely before he answers.

“Hard to say. I want to say yes, but I’ve called him Arnold, Rambo, Robo-Cop and He-Man and he responds all the same.” Tony gets a small grin. “I think he’s partial to He-Man myself.”

“Tony.” Steve tries to reprimand, but the smile is tugging at his lips. “You _do_ remember that he’s a highly volatile assassin whom you should _not_ poke with a stick.” Tony chuckles at it for a second before he shakes his head.

“Actually, I think that’s exactly why I should.” He says. “I mean, if _I_ were some crazy, dangerous assassin who’d been turned into that against my will…I don’t know, I think I’d appreciate people not fearing me when I didn’t really give them a reason to do so.”

“Just…be sure you’re being safe.” Steve implores and Tony gives him a smile.

“Will do oh Captain, my Captain.”

+++

The days at the Tower start to pass and blend together pretty quickly. He’d expected to be put under lockdown when he’d first arrived. He’d figured that he’d be stuck in a room with Captain America until he’d figured out how to either convince the man that he was this ‘Bucky’ character long enough to escape or convince him to stop looking for a ghost.

Of course, with all of these ‘Avengers’, they completely throw rationality out of the window and do the exact opposite of what he’s expecting.

Where he expected there to be locked doors – there aren’t. He has the freedom to go into any area of the Tower at any time he desires. The only locked doors here seem to be bedrooms and the door down to the lab where the Mechanic seems to live, and even that door is only locked until JARVIS alerts him of the Asset’s presence and then the door is opened immediately and he’s greeted with a smile and a wave.

It’s absolutely foolish.

He’s learned to avoid the lab in certain cases though, and not because of what the lab symbolizes, but because that’s where Captain America (Steve Rogers) tends to be when he’s not trailing behind him like a hopeful lost puppy. The Asset has learned quickly that if the Captain isn’t shadowing him, then he’s shadowing the Mechanic, lounging on a dilapidated couch and sketching.

The sketching part bothers him, but for the life of him he can’t understand why. It’s a common pastime, and all the records that he’s tracked down for Captain America say that Steve Rogers was an art student. Recent records even show that he’s taking classes in art for reasons unknown…but something about that sketchbook still weighs down on him as important in the back of his mind, in the area he pushes down and pretends doesn’t exist because it doesn’t help the mission.

When he finally leaves his room after the first day, he’s surprised to find all of the activities and items present to keep him occupied.

He of course plots several exits and maps out all of the weak points of the Tower, just in case, and sometime around the third or fourth day when he already starts feeling that itch he gets when he stays in one place too long, he decides to start watching.

The Avengers are a strange unit that no one would think works, but somehow it does. This is a group of powerful and dangerous individuals who have decided to place themselves at the front line of this planet’s defense. It’s foolish and unwise and yet somehow it seems to be working. It’s beyond clear that they’ve been working with each other for a while because they all seem to understand each other’s habits and quirks. They know when to give the other a wide berth and they seem to know when to step in and offer assistance.

It’s a unit that the Asset doesn’t see many cracks in, their only weakness that he can determine is each other – which isn’t much of a weakness in the first place. He doesn’t add himself to the equation, even though Captain America would clearly like for him to, and just the thought of someday joining this ragtag group of individuals is laughable at best and just plain absurd at worst.

He watches them all through the day, during his time in and out of the lab for checkups and scans, but he soon comes to realize that the daytime isn’t the worst of it all – it’s the night.

That’s when the dreams, or memories as he’s come to realize, of Bucky Barnes start to leak through. The close proximity to the star of most of them seems to be triggering them a lot more frequently from what he can tell and it’s putting him more and more on edge.

_‘I’m with you, till the end of the line.’ He says as he puts a hand on the scrawniest, sickliest young man that he has ever seen and he gets a fond and amused smile in return – ‘Bucky, there are people laying down their lives. How could I be expected to do anything less?’ That suicidal punk asks him and the fear that he’ll actually get his wish and end up on the front lines terrifies him and keeps him up at night. – ‘I…uh…I joined the army.’ Steve, but not fully his Steve, or is it, says as he comes for him, as he saves him from this hell like an angel granting a prayer for salvation._

Those are the safe dreams, the ones that show little snippets of daily life. Of a group of men out on the battlefield who laugh and joke, pretending that tonight might not be their last. It’s a life he doesn’t know, one that he doesn’t fully remember and yet haunts him.

There are worse dreams though. Worse than the dreams of falling, of Steve (Captain America) screaming his name as he tries to reach out for him and he’s afraid for a second that the idiot will jump after him. The worse ones are the ones that wake him up at night and make him want to pull all his hair out and punch everything in sight.

_‘Shh! Quiet!’ Stevie’s snickering as they stumble into the room, kicking off shoes as he pushes him back onto the bed – ‘Can I sketch you?’ Steve asks, strangely shy for reasons that Bucky doesn’t understand. Steve has to know that he’d deny him nothing – ‘I love you Buck…always have and I always will…’ Stevie whispers to him in the night when he thinks Bucky’s sleeping and it makes him smile._

The Asset jolts awake, rage in his body the moment he does. He hates these dreams, these memories. They’re not for him, they’re for _him_. They’re for James Buchanan Barnes, the man that Hydra killed and replaced with the Asset.

The blond that stars in them isn’t for the Asset either, he’s for James too. The Asset doesn’t get to have Bucky’s Stevie, and it irritates him.

These are the times that he’s never hated anyone else the way that he hates Bucky Barnes. He hates him for being in his head and giving him these glimpses of a life and stolen moments that will never be his to truly experience or keep. He’s irrevocably broken and he knows that when _Stevie_ sees that, he’ll understand that there’s no Bucky here for him.

These moments are also the times that he hates Hydra more, for taking Bucky away from Steve and the Asset, for making the Asset little more than a toy for their amusement, and it always makes the Asset promise to avenge Bucky as well – the first victim of the Asset’s programing.

He sits up in bed and runs his hands through his hair. Tomorrow, or later today, is the surgery to replace the docking system. The Mechanic said that the whole thing needs to come off and his shoulder needs to heal itself before he’ll be able to install the new docking. The Asset had almost disagreed with the entire thing on principle – he doesn’t need to be coddled and treated like a normal human with stupid things like pain and emotions. He’s a weapon and he just needs the upgrade that he was promised.

…but the look in the Mechanic’s eyes when he told him, when he _showed_ him his own unwanted upgrade stopped the Asset somehow. The look in his eyes when he showed that he knew what it was like to have something like this forced on you and having to push past it every day as he revealed his vulnerable heart to the Asset struck a chord. It seemed almost silly to the Asset that the Iron Man’s weakest spot was his heart, because it’s a sentiment that the Asset would say is true in every sense of the word.

Pushing off the bed, he rolls his shoulders and steps out into the hallway, heading for the gym. There’s normally no one here at this time in the morning, and he’s grateful to learn that today is one of those days. It offers a nice change from Captain America’s constant unwanted (not really) hounding.

The bags under his fists barely hold up to the arm so he tries not to use it on them. The last thing he wants is to leave a mess or a trail that says where he was and what he was doing. Not that he doesn’t doubt that JARVIS reports everything back to his creator.

It says something, and it’s not good, about how distracting the dreams are, or how comfortable he’s become in this location in so short a time when he’s hitting the bag, thinking to himself when a voice he wasn’t expecting speaks right next to him.

“Those aren’t the best bags for-” The voice doesn’t register in his mind at first, only that someone is far too close for comfort and he lashes out in the dark. There’s some quick grappling for a second before he’s got the attacker pinned down to the mats with his metal hand at his throat. The lights in the area come on and they’re too bright for a second as he sees clearly who is underneath him.

The Mechanic – Tony Stark.

There’s surprise in those dark brown eyes and a healthy amount of panic as the Mechanic tries to gasp for air that the Asset’s grip isn’t allowing him to have. Those eyes glance up and meet his, and the Mechanic takes a second before he takes his hands off the Asset’s wrist and holds them up beside his head in the universal sign for surrender. It has to be a difficult thing to do, fighting the body’s natural instinct to fight back and survive, to _breathe_ , especially for this man who is clearly a survivor above all things.

But it’s painfully obvious that he’s making some kind of point to the Asset. He isn’t here to fight, he isn’t here to harm him or do anything to him. That the one with all the power here is the Asset. There’s an almost foolish level of trust that the brunet is showing him, this belief that these hands which have killed hundreds of people will somehow not harm him. There’s no fear in his eyes, panic yes – but not because of the killer pinning him down and that surprises him.

“Let him go.” Another voice calmly states and he turns and glances at the Widow who already has her guns leveled on him. _There’s_ the look he’s been expecting, been waiting for, this whole time and it’s almost a relief to finally see it. That cold and calculated gleam in her eyes tells him everything that he needs to know – she _will_ pull that trigger if he doesn’t do what she’s said. It does seem that there is a limit for some of them on how far they’ll let the Winter Soldier push within their walls. He’ll admit to himself that he’s slightly approving of the threat despite the tables currently being turned on him. The body beneath him spasms as the Mechanic struggles still to drag in air a little more desperately that the Asset’s grip still isn’t letting happen. He releases his hold in the next second and the Mechanic gasps in air and starts coughing harshly. “Get off him.” Natalia says as she makes a motion for him to move with one of her guns and he slowly pushes off the other man and holds his hands up in a mimicry of surrender like the other man was doing seconds ago.

“Nat…it’s…fine.” The Mechanic struggles to say through his coughing as he rolls onto his side. “…my fault.” He manages to get out as she makes her way over to him, never taking an eye off the Asset as she kneels down and checks to see if he’s alright. “I startled him…my fault.” The Mechanic says again and the situation becomes even more chaotic when the rest of the Avengers come rushing into the area. They take in the Mechanic on the ground, coughing and clutching at his throat and the Widow kneeling next to him, protective like a mother bear with a cub with one gun still trained on the Asset. It’s clear that they’re unsure what’s happened, but he can see that they’re more than willing to come to the aid of their teammates.

“Bucky?” Steve (No _Captain America_ ) asks him, and he sounds so confused before he’s kneeling down next to the Mechanic. He helps him to his feet, balancing and securing him as he checks him over. “Are you okay?” He asks and the Mechanic nods, swatting away the hand that’s trying to tilt his chin up so that the blond can see the marks already forming on the other’s throat.

“It’s fine, it was an accident.” The Mechanic says, coming to the Asset’s defense in front of the group. “I thought he knew I was here…turns out he didn’t.” He turns to him with an almost apologetic smile, like he’s the one who has done something here and needs to atone. “Sorry about that, I just meant to say-” He makes a gesture over to some other punching bags sitting along the wall. “Those ones are Steve’s bags, they’re a little more durable and you might benefit from using one of them. I didn’t mean to startle you.” The Asset doesn’t put his hands down until Steve reaches over and pushes down the barrel of Natalia’s gun with a shake of his head.

“How about we all go back to bed?” Steve says, his voice sounding so tired. Like whatever has just happened has weighed on him in a way that he’s finally tiring from the burden. “Bruce, can you please look Tony over?”

“I’m fine Capsicle.” The Mechanic protests and the Angry Doctor nods.

“Yeah, come on Tony.” He says, holding out an arm and guiding the Mechanic out of the room. The man tosses a final look over his shoulder at the Asset and mouths ‘Sorry’ as if he’s somehow to blame for the Asset’s actions and it bothers him for some reason as they disappear around the corner. The Widow and the Archer send glances at Steve who shakes his head and they leave the room as well, leaving the Asset with the one person that he was trying to get away from.

“Accident.” He says, defensively after a few moments of silence where the blond is just staring at him, and somehow that seems like the wrong thing to say because those blue eyes just look even more tired and sad at the admission.

“Yeah…caught that.” Steve says as he shakes his head. “Are you…are you okay?” He asks and the Asset tilts his head, uncomprehending. After all, he’s not the one who was hurt.

“Yes.”

“Okay…” Steve motions to the bags that the Mechanic mentioned. “Tony’s right, he designed those for me so knock yourself out. They work great.” He turns, and the Asset registers on some level that this is the first time that Captain America has turned away and left the area before the Asset has since they’ve met. “I’m going to go check on Tony…Goodnight Bucky.” He says as he exits and the whole situation leaves the Asset standing there, feeling like he’s done something very wrong and he realizes that he can’t stand that feeling.

 

+++

 ** _“Sir, Captain Rogers is on his way”_** JARVIS says overhead and Tony lets out a tired sigh. Bruce just released him from his care a few seconds ago and all Tony wanted to do was collapse into the nearest bed and sleep. He knows that isn’t going to happen anytime soon because Steve’s going to come in here with those worried baby blues and Tony will cave and apologize like he always does for doing whatever he did to upset the man.

It was an accident. A legit accident and Tony knows that. He’d thought that Barnes had been aware of his presence in the room and he’d just meant to offer assistance on his way to bed. He didn’t realize that Barnes had been too deep in his own thoughts, or that he’d be so damn _fast_.

The whole situation is on him though, Barnes was only doing what his brain was telling him to do in the presence of an unknown assailant. Besides, there was a plus side to be had here, Barnes’s first thought was capture and contain – not kill and destroy, that was progress, or at least Tony’s pretty sure it is.

Tony can’t help how he reaches up and gently lays a hand on his throat, swallowing past the soreness as his mind flashes back to the gym. How quickly everything had gone from hunky dory to trying to fight for his life, and then trying to communicate silently that he wasn’t a threat and that Barnes was still safe while suffocating.

“ETA?” He asks aloud, pushing the memory of being unable to breathe again out of his mind.

 ** _“Approx. 30 seconds”_** JARVIS replies and Tony nods, just waiting for the soft knock on the door, it comes perfectly on time.

“Tony?” Steve calls through it. “Can…can I come in?”

“Door’s open.” Tony calls out and he cringes at the unexpected rawness of raising his voice. Steve enters the room seconds later and the glance he sends Tony is a mix of relieved and guilty. “It was an accident.” Tony feels the need to say immediately in Barnes’s defense and Steve sighs, closing the door behind him with a nod.

“Yeah, that’s what he said too.” He says as he comes over and glances down at the marks again and the frown lines on his face deepen with just a small amount of helplessness. “Bruce says you’re going to be fine...God Tony, I’m so sorr-” Tony immediately raises a hand to cover Steve’s mouth to stop the apology.

“Don’t.” He says as firmly as he can right now. “It wasn’t anyone’s fault and it sure as hell wasn’t yours. These things happen.” The look Steve’s giving him seems like a challenge to that statement so Tony presses on. “Do you remember that time when I accidentally snuck up on Clint when his hearing aids were acting up? Would you say that was Clint’s fault?” Steve gets another frown, clearly remembering the time that Tony’s recalling and Tony remembers how Steve had been the one to carry him out of the kitchen and into the medical room whispering assurances that Tony was going to be fine while they were hounded by a distraught archer who was offering up apologies left and right. Steve slowly shakes his head in response to the question. “See? These things happen and they’re accidents. He didn’t just decide to attack me, he was defending himself.” Steve looks like he’s going to make a muffled argument and Tony cuts him off. “And before you say anything against that, he’s the fucking Winter Soldier. If he’d wanted me dead, I’d be dead.” Steve sighs at the truth of the statement before reaching up and tugging Tony’s hand down.

“I know…I know that.” He says, but he shakes his head. “But that doesn’t mean anything.”

“That means everything.” Tony replies. “Intention is half-”

“It wouldn’t mean _anything_.” Steve practically growls. “You could have died…accident or not what good would that have been because you would have been _gone_.” Steve leans forward and rests their foreheads together. “I would have had to see you lying there, I would have had to get up every morning knowing that you weren’t going to be there and knowing that the only reason it happened was because of _me_. You brought him here because I asked you to and you got hurt…that’s on me.”

“Cap…this is the life we lead. I could die tomorrow in a lab accident or on the field, or hell I could just fall down some stairs and that would be it.” Tony softens his voice when he feels Steve tense. “Everyone dies Cap, even me…although hopefully no time soon.” He adds on with a little bit more levity and Steve chuckles a little like it’s been torn out of him.

“I know…I know that but…” He doesn’t continue and Tony figures he’ll press it.

“But?”

“You’re not allowed to leave before me.” Steve whispers. “I can’t…I can’t keep being the last one standing while everyone I care about dies around me.” The confession twists in Tony with a weird mix of understanding and shared pain.

“I’d say likewise, but that means we’re Thelma and Louise-ing it and I don’t know if that’s a good plan.”

“I have no idea what that means.” Steve mutters and Tony can’t help the smile.

“I’ll cue it up for our next movie night.” He promises and Steve pulls back slightly, and there’s a complicated look in his eyes as he takes Tony in. “Cap?” Tony asks and he doesn’t get a reply. “I’m okay…I’m still here, I-” The kiss cuts off his assurances and he doesn’t even realize that he’s kissing back and melting into Steve’s arms until they break apart for air. It’s not the way that Tony ever fantasized about their first kiss happening, if he’d ever admit to doing such a thing out loud. He’d always assumed it’d be in a heat of passion, not this soft and gentle thing that’s just occurred. Steve leans in to give him another and it crushes Tony’s heart as Tony leans back to avoid it. “Not to throw water on this particular fire, you know considering the fact that it’s about fucking time…” Tony says as he ignores Steve’s confused look. “But Barnes is here.” Steve’s eyes widen slightly like he’s forgotten this obvious fact that’s been tormenting Tony for weeks before his face closes off to him.

“I know.” Steve says, those words heavy between them and Tony wonders what was going through his mind that he decided kissing Tony Stark was the thing to do. Tony sighs and decides to bite the bullet for the both of them as he puts a hand in the center of Steve’s chest and pushes back gently. The super soldier allows it and drops his arms, letting Tony step back. They stand there, looking at each other in silence for a while.

“Barnes is back.” Tony says again, feeling that the sentiment needs to be repeated. “I’m not sure why that just happened, but he’s back now…and it can’t happen again. I know you know why.”

“I know.” Steve mutters again, but there’s a look of genuine unhappiness at the statement and Tony curses his traitorous heart that hopes for a brief second that Steve would choose him.

“I get it, you were worried and sometimes emotions get all confusing. It wouldn’t be the first time someone’s done something like that, I’m sure it meant nothing. Just an accident.”

“Why are you so sure it didn’t mean anything?” Steve whispers and Tony looks away.

“Don’t.” He snaps. “Just…for once, just play along. One of us has to be the rational adult here and I guess that’s going to be me. Pep would be so proud.”

“Tony…” Steve says and there’s so much emotion there that Tony wishes had been present or revealed sooner.

“He needs you.” Tony says and Steve gives him a look.

“You said you needed me once.” He mentions and Tony clenches a fist remembering that dark day when he’d first gone to approach the subject of the feelings between the two of them. It hadn’t ended in a way Tony had hoped, with Steve misunderstanding the whole situation and Pepper returning into his life at the time.

“Are you _trying_ to make this more difficult than it has to be?” He snaps before coughing for a second and taking a step back when Steve comes to assist him. There’s a pained look in Steve’s eyes and for a moment Tony thinks ‘good’ but he regrets it a moment later. “You had to have known. I mean, the writing was on the wall the moment you found out about him. Sure, before we knew about him maybe there could have been something, but it all went away the moment you saw Barnes.” Tony shakes his head. “And even if you didn’t know it then, you had to have known that you were making a choice when you asked me to bring him back to you.”

“What choice? You or leaving Bucky out there alone?” Steve asks with a small amount of frustrated harshness and Tony gives him a look.

“Don’t play dumb Steve, it doesn’t work.” He scolds. “You didn’t ask me to find Barnes and get him help. You asked me to bring him back home, to bring him back to you.” Tony sighs. “You _made_ a choice right then whether you realized it or not.” Tony crosses his arms. “And before you continue arguing pointlessly with me. What happens when you get your Bucky back? What happens to this, to us, then?”

“I…”

“You’re not thinking this through, you’re being impulsive and you know that’s my job.” Tony tries to aim for playful, but it comes out as something else. Something a lot more raw and hurt. “You’re not thinking about me in this whole thing. I might be able to handle all of this right now, and that’s mostly because we never managed to find the time to figure whatever this is between us out. If we had…I think we would have had a very different conversation in the lab that day.”

“Why did you even agree to help me then?” Steve asks and Tony chuckles a little and gives him a sad look.

“Do you really need to ask that?” He asks and Steve nods. “Fine…I’ll say it once and I’ll probably damn us both with it. I did it because I love you Steve.” Steve’s eyes widen at the confession. “Not ‘like’ not ‘want’ not ‘lust after’, because trust me I’ve come to know the difference. You asked me for something and I promised to give it to you, I’d give you anything.”

“But not you.”

“I’m asking you to not ask me to do that. Because I would.” Tony looks him right in the eyes. “And afterwards, when you’re riding off into the sunset with your knight in shining armor…I’d be here. Alone.” Tony lets out a rough chuckle. “You know I don’t do well with alone. So…so this is me asking you for something. I’m asking you to go to Barnes and forget all about this. I’m asking that we remain friends until the time when I no longer can…and then I guess I’m asking you to forgive me for whatever I do after that.” Steve’s face looks like Tony’s killed his puppy or something and there’s a moment before a tear falls down his face and Tony turns away. “I need sleep, I’ve got a big procedure tomorrow.”

Steve doesn’t say anything about the wetness in Tony’s own voice now. He doesn’t say anything at all as he turns and leaves.

+++

He doesn’t get any sleep the rest of the night. His mind continuously playing through his and Tony’s conversation and various alternate realities where Steve came into the gym to find a corpse instead of a friend.

Tony’s words haunt him, very much like his ghost would have done had he died.

Steve doesn’t want to admit it, but he can see it now. He did make a choice, and he doesn’t regret his choice…but at the same time somehow he does. He figures he agrees with Tony on the simple fact that if they’d figured their stuff out, if they hadn’t been distracted by everything else or if they hadn’t been with other people, that Steve doesn’t know how he’d respond to Bucky’s return. And he understands the cruelty that Tony speaks of when he told him to let him go…

But Steve’s never been particularly good at doing something like that, and he’s been struggling all night with the realization that he might have to.

Bucky was his first after all. His first friend, his first love, his first everything. There’s no words that Steve can use to describe what he had with Bucky or what he would do in order to get it back.

But Tony…Tony was the first person in this new time who accepted Steve Rogers and never seemed to buy into the ‘Captain America’ image. He was the first person who wanted to open up this new world and all its possibilities to Steve and yes – they might have had some hard times in the beginning, but in the end the bond they’d created was something that Steve had cherished above all else.

And now he doesn’t know what to do, because a selfish part of him still wants Tony. He still wants the possibilities that he’d imagined every now and then when he’d be sitting in the lab watching the other work on some new invention. He hates the fact that door is closed to him now.

And it’s closed because he still wants Bucky. It’s closed because his heart is still Bucky’s, and he’s coming to realize that it doesn’t matter that it’s also Tony’s.

“Hey, you look like crap, didn’t sleep well?” Clint asks when Steve finally leaves his room and goes to the kitchen for breakfast.

“Not really.” Steve says and he glances at Natasha, and he has to glance away before she can see the truth of whatever has become of all of them. All of her words make sense now. She’d known, of course she’d always known. It’s what she did, she watched people and she took notes.

He just wishes that she’d _told_ him. Maybe things would be different if he had known that Tony loved-

Steve cut off that thought as he wraps his fingers around an orange and starts peeling it.

He figures that Tony was right in what he said. Steve does feel damned now that he knows, and he feels frustrated that he didn’t get the chance to reciprocate it…because he does. He has for a while now, but Tony was with Pepper and it never seemed like the time.

Steve had always figured that there’d be more time. Hadn’t he learned his lesson the first time around? Time was never something that was kind to Steve and he doesn’t know why he thought it was going to be any different this time around.

And now…now he really didn’t have _either_ of them. Bucky wasn’t staying around because he wanted to, he was only here until Tony finished his arm, and if Steve hasn’t managed to change his mind before then – then Bucky would probably be gone forever. He was in such a rush after all, constantly hounding on Tony to keep to the schedule that the engineer had promised him and Steve was starting to despair about what was coming next.

“Is Tony awake yet?” Bruce asks as he scoops some eggs onto a plate and hands it to Steve. “The surgeon should be here any minute now. He wanted to have some time to walk Bucky through what was going to happen next and get him comfortable before surgery.”

“No, I think he’s still sleeping.” Sam says. “I can go get him.”

“Don’t.” A firm voice states and they all look over to see Bucky standing in the doorway. “Let him sleep.” There’s surprise on a few of their faces.

“He has to get up if he wants to stay on schedule.” Nat says and Bucky shakes his head.

“It’s fine. Let him sleep.” There’s a glance that Nat shares with Clint after that admission and she nods before tossing a bagel at Bucky which he catches easily.

“Fine. We’ll call you when he wakes up.” Bucky nods, glancing once in Steve’s direction before turning and leaving the area.

“What was that about?” Sam asks and Nat sighs.

“Probably guilt.” She says and Steve feels like there’s something else that she isn’t telling.

“Probably?” He asks and she nods.

“Wouldn’t you feel guilty? You attack the guy who has taken you in, cared for you and is helping you without recourse? Wouldn’t _you_ let him sleep?” Steve nods slowly and he can’t help but watch the two ex-SHIELD agents out of the corner of his eye for the rest of breakfast.

 

+++

“Did you want to try B.A.R.F?” The Mechanic asks him when he finally finishes up the pre-surgery tour and is starting to make quick work of detaching the arm that’s been with him for decades. The man looks like a grunge mad scientist with his graphic tee-shirt, ripped jeans and manic grin.

“What?”

“B.A.R.F.” He says again, biting on his lower lip a little as he focuses on the connectors. “Binary Augmenting Retro Framing, terrible acronym, badass little device.” He slides back the panels on the arm, revealing the circuitry beneath. “Alright, prepare for the shutdown. It shouldn’t hurt if I did the prep correctly…” He waits for the Asset to give him a nod and then he does something that makes the arm turn into a complete deadweight. It’s terrifying for a second and it takes a moment before he’s watching as the Mechanic detaches the final ports and pulls it off. “All done!” He says with a smile as he holds it up for him. “Did you want to keep it? Use it as a bludgeon? You could take it around and smack Hydra with it. You could be all – do you regret giving this to me _now_?” He says making a movement as if he’s backhanding some imaginary Hydra agent with the arm.

“What is it?” He asks, and the other man seems to understand what he’s referring to because he puts down the arm and grabs the marker again.

“It’s a program that I designed for myself mostly, but I intended to offer it for military use and I figure why not start with you?” He explains, scooting closer and marking the lines for the surgeon and himself on the metal. “It was designed to help with brainwave patterns that are off – in my case to deal with a crap ton of PTSD that people tell me I supposedly have, and who knows, I could probably retrofit it to work with your special case given a little time and testing.”

“You’re just trying to keep me here.” The Asset accuses and the Mechanic shrugs carelessly.

“You’ve caught on to my evil plan. However will we manage now?” He says sarcastically before putting the marker down and looking at him. “Look James, I want you to stay because I think we can help you, and I think you secretly _want_ that help or you wouldn’t still be here. Wouldn’t it be better to have a clear head? For your ‘mission’? What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Bucky.” He says and Tony snorts.

“Yeah, you’re right about that.” There’s something there, something he isn’t saying but for a moment the Asset feels like the Mechanic doesn’t actually want Bucky to return either. “But unfortunately B.A.R.F. doesn’t work that way. It would more just…clear up the gaps and help you deal with any lingering ill effects that Hydra might have left in that brain of yours. Becoming ‘Bucky’ again? That’s all on you, I mean, I can give you the map and show you the way but at the end of the day it has to be you who decides to go down the path. And honestly I hope you do.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m tired of seeing Emo Captain America mostly.” He says with a small, sharp grin. “But as with all things, it has to be your choice. So think on it.”

“Why not just do it?”

“Because I’m not Hydra.” The Mechanic says firmly. “And I don’t have a right to go poking around in other people’s heads just because I can.” He waits a second. “I didn’t tell the others because I didn’t want them pressuring you, or me, into attempting it. So…I guess this is a secret between you and I. If you want it, it’s yours. If you don’t? Then they’re not going to hear it from me.” The Mechanic reaches around and starts pulling up the screens and the Asset feels like he owes the other man something.

“I’m sorry.” He says and the Mechanic glances over at him with a confused look on his face.

“For what? You don’t have anything to be sorry for. Hydra did it.” He says and the Asset slowly reaches out with his good hand and brushes his fingers over the bruises that have formed on the other man’s neck. He’s a little surprised when the other doesn’t recoil or pull back when he reaches for him, just instead choosing to watch him with a curious glint in his eyes.

“They didn’t do that. I did.” He says, making it clear what he’s apologizing for. “I’m sorry.” The other man gives him a small, almost confused smile.

“Accepted. Please don’t do it again without permission.” He says as he winks at him before pushing away on his stool to finish his preparations for the procedure. The door to the area opens and Steve walks in. He doesn’t come over like the Asset expected him to, instead leaning back against a wall and crossing his arms while watching them. The Asset sees out of the corner of his eyes how the Mechanic glances up at the blond before lowering his eyes quickly and looking away. A pained look overcomes Steve’s face for a split second before he hides it and the Asset is curious what is going on between these two. “So, let’s get this party started. Are you ready?”

“Yes.” He replies instantly out of habit and he watches as the Mechanic takes a moment.

“Are you sure? We can wait, a few minutes, a few hours, a few days; anything you need.” He says and it takes a few moments before the Asset lets out a breath he hadn’t even known he was holding before he nods once.

“I’m ready.” He says, sounding a lot surer and a lot less automatic in his reply and the Mechanic nods.

“Alright,” He hits a button. “You’ll be falling asleep in 5, 4, 3, 2…” The Asset never hears him say one, instead it sounds like his voice goes fuzzy and then he’s hearing him again. “Just breathe, in and out, that’s good. No need to panic, you’re amongst friends, just breathe…Can you open your eyes for me?” He struggles to do so and flinches when the lights are bright behind the Mechanic’s head. “You’re doing great. It should be clearing out of your system any moment now, so this…I don’t know, dazed sensation you’re probably feeling should be gone soon.” He looks over him at someone else and the Asset follows his glance to the Angry Doctor. “How’s he looking?”

“Everything’s looking good. How are you feeling Sgt. Barnes?” He asks and the Asset refuses to use the word ‘floppy’ which is what comes to mind. “The surgery went without a hitch. The docking has been removed and you’re well on your way to the next step.” He looks away from the Angry Doctor as he glances back at the Mechanic who gives him a thumbs up with an exhausted looking smile.

“Bruce is right, everything went peachy. Hopefully the morphine wears off slower than everything else, but if it doesn’t _please_ tell me so I can give you some more.” The lights come into focus and the Asset already feels like he wants to jump off of the medical bed. There’s a muted soreness in his shoulder and it’s a lot less than what’s usually there so he takes it as a bonus.

“Don’t need it.” He says and the Mechanic sighs.

“This is no time to be some lone wolf, Clint Eastwood type. If it starts hurting, just tell someone.” He says and the Angry Doctor catches his attention.

“I’m going to head out, can you lift the lockdown?” He asks and the request confuses the Asset as the Mechanic nods.

“Yeah, sure. JARVIS, if you’d please.”

 ** _“Lockdown has been lifted Sir.”_** The AI responds as the Angry Doctor leaves the room and the Asset glances over at the Mechanic.

“Lockdown?” He asks, wondering if something happened and the other man waves it off.

“Oh, I just thought that some extra security might be appreciated. I didn’t want…well let’s just say if Hydra attacked they would have been up a creek without a paddle because not even Captain America or Thor was getting through those doors until it was all over.” He shrugs. “I didn’t think you’d appreciate being ogled while you were unconscious.” He says and there’s a moment of something that the Asset feels.

“…thank you.” He tells him and his Mechanic smiles.

“Anytime.” He grabs a tablet off the nearby table and glances at something it tells him. “Steve would like to come in and see that you’re okay.” He’s nodding before he’s thinking it through and it’s clear that those drugs are still inside him because he would have never done such a thing without them. “J, let him in.” The doors open and Steve comes in, a look of relief crossing his face when he sees the Asset laying there like a moron in a half-baked mummy costume.

“How are you feeling Buck?” He asks and the Asset shrugs his good shoulder. The three of them stay in uncomfortable silence for a while before the Asset feels the need to break it with a thought that he’s been mulling over for a little bit.

“So…B.A.R.F.?” He asks and he watches as Steve frowns in complete confusion and his Mechanic tosses his head back at the image and laughs.

That laugh feels like a victory and the Asset settles in to listen to the other man explain more in depth this ‘miraculous’ device that’s supposedly going to help him.

+++

Tony practically stumbles into the kitchen at some ungodly hour of the morning looking for coffee. The added B.A.R.F. sessions with Barnes are starting to wear on him physically and he’s starting to wonder if he should take a long, very long, vacation after all of this is done. Naturally, B.A.R.F. doesn’t work as well as the others might like, as some of them were still clearly under the misconception that it was going to ‘fix’ everything and that Barnes was going to just pop out of the Winter Soldier’s skin like a butterfly out of a cocoon any minute now.

Tony’s lost track of how many times he’s had to explain that isn’t how it works. That B.A.R.F. will only regulate and restore natural brain chemistry, allowing Barnes to heal from the damage that Hydra has done and giving him access to his memories and to certain emotions that may have been cut off, but it wasn’t just going to ‘Bibbidi Boppity Boo!’ Barnes back into Bucky.

It’s hard though, not just for Barnes who has to relive his own experiences at the hands of those jackasses – Tony’s made it to where only Bucky has the right to see whatever is happening in that room, it just feels right that way – but also for Steve who is just always standing nearby, constantly hopeful that _this_ time will be the time that Barnes opens his eyes and is Bucky again. Each time it doesn’t happen, Tony has to watch as that light of hope goes out in Steve’s eyes and it feels like it’s killing Tony more and more each time. He’s offered that Steve not be present, but Steve’s determined that he’s not leaving Bucky behind again and Tony doesn’t have the strength to send Steve away.

He thinks he’s managing the awkwardness that is the time ‘AC’ or after conversation when Tony and Steve realized that they could never be a thing. Or at least he thinks he’s handling it pretty well until Clint seeks him out in the kitchen.

“Hey.” He says and Tony barely manages not to scream like a slasher horror movie scream queen, mostly because he’s just too damn tired, but he’s proud of it anyways.

“Hey.” He mutters after a brief pause and he’s surprised when Clint slides a hot cup of coffee across the counter towards him. “…is this an intentional meetup? Were you waiting for me?” He asks as he takes it.

“Yup.” Clint says with a smile, not sounding a bit remorseful. “I wanted to check in on you, we’re all worried.”

“Who’s we?”

“Nat, Bruce and I.” Clint answers easily. “And Sam too, to a degree, but I think he’s a little more focused on Steve but that makes sense. He’s still new.”

“I’m fine.” Tony says with a sigh. “Steve’s fine. Everybody’s fine.”

“That’s good to hear. That you’re all fine…individually.” Clint says slowly. “But…how are Steve and Tony doing…you know, together?”

“There is no together.” Tony says a little too quickly and a little too harshly. He can tell that he’s messed up by the way Clint pats the chair next to him. Tony sighs and takes a seat.

“How are you doing? Really?”

“I’m fine.”

“Honestly?” Clint presses and Tony runs a hand through his hair.

“Okay, fine…I’ll _be_ fine.” He amends. “I mean, what else am I supposed to be? They’re like a fucking fairy tale come to life and I’m just the ex-Merchant of Death.” Tony shakes his head. “And he’s not that bad, for a brainwashed super assassin. I mean, we’re starting to see little snippets of what I suppose is ‘Bucky’ and very soon it won’t be a competition.” Clint tilts his head a little.

“Tony…you know Steve loves you right?” He asks softly and Tony gives a bitter chuckle.

“He doesn’t. Maybe he might have, if Barnes hadn’t come back, but he did. And that’s the end of it.” He turns and sees the strange look Clint’s giving him. “What?”

“Are you telling me you _really_ don’t know?”

“Don’t know what?”

“How Steve feels, how he’s _felt_.” Tony goes to say something and Clint shakes his head. “It’s obvious to the rest of us, I mean it’s plain as fucking day…I thought you knew. I mean, even Hydra knows on some level that if you touch Iron Man, Captain America is going to be all up in your business and vice versa.”

“…why are you saying this now?” Tony asks, his shoulders dropping. “And what does it matter? Barnes is back, that ship has sailed.”

“…have you two talked about this? Or are you just ignoring what’s happening?”

“We kind of talked.”

“What does ‘kind of’ mean?”

“It means we basically said ‘this can’t happen’ and we left it at that.” Tony takes a small sip and wraps his suddenly cold fingers around the mug. “Barnes is showing improvement. I think…no I’m pretty sure at any moment now he’s going to have a huge breakthrough moment and all of this will be pointless anyways.”

“I’m pretty sure Steve would say that what he feels for you isn’t ‘pointless’.”

“Yes it is.” Tony argues back. “Because it’s worthless. I don’t know about you, but I’d call that pretty pointless.”

“But is it pointless on his side…or your side?”

“Mine.” Tony answers honestly. “And before you ask, it’s because I’m not going to do that to myself. I may be masochistic at times, but even I’m not _that_ cruel to myself.” Tony takes a moment. “It was never going to work out anyways…maybe this is for the best, that it got killed before it could even start.”

“It sounds like it’s already started from where I’m sitting.” Clint replies. “And no offense, but I’ve seen the two of you with my own eyes for years. I’m gonna say that ‘it’ already exists.”

“Well that just fucking sucks for me then doesn’t it?” Tony asks and Clint shakes his head.

“Have you thought about…I don’t know, _not_ making that choice for Steve? Letting him choose I mean?”

“Why waste either of our times? I already know what the answer will be and don’t lie – so do you.” Tony shakes his head. “I won’t do that to myself.” He takes a shaky breath before he stands. “Thanks for the coffee. Goodnight Clint.” He leaves the area before Clint can call him back.

He doesn’t really want to talk about any of this anymore. He just wants to hurry up and get it over with.

+++

Things have been…rocky.

That’s the gentlest and probably the nicest way that he can put it. Rocky.

Steve’s made a point to be present at all of the B.A.R.F. sessions, waiting outside the room that Bucky disappears into each time. He pretends that he’s there just in case JARVIS says that there’s assistance to be needed inside, but that’s just a cover that Tony’s let him get away with.

Truth be told, Steve’s here for two reasons. One: because it puts him back in Tony’s sphere. The brunet has been all but avoiding him these past few weeks and Steve’s internally begging for things to go back the way that they were. Not to have this awkward distance between them that makes every interaction between them uncomfortable and unsure. Any time Tony catches his eyes, he lowers his head and practically scuttles off as if he has some sudden important thing to do that he’s just remembered. The second reason: because there’s a part of him that thinks one of these times the door will open and Bucky will step out and rush back to Steve’s waiting arms.

There is a part of him that feels sick at that thought though. Here he is, mooning off after one brunet instead of the other while still wishing that his fella will return to him.

There is some good at the end of the tunnel at least. Bucky’s not running away from him anymore, not really. In the beginning it was hard to get him to stay in a room with Steve for longer than five minutes, but now the other man was at least seeming to settle with Steve in his immediate area. Steve had a small amount of hope as well for the sidelong glances that Bucky kept shooting him when he figured Steve might not be looking. Their interactions though, they’re still stilted and uncertain whenever Steve actually does try to reach out to him.

It’s frustrating though, because Bucky’s slowly been adjusting to life at the Tower more and more – and while he’s taking leaps and bounds with everyone else, hell – Steve even caught him sparring with Natasha at one point – the two of them however move forward together like molasses. Heck, even Tony’s relationship with Bucky is in a better place considering all of the baggage that must exist between the two of them. Not that Tony’s shown even the slightest hint of cruelty or bias against Bucky, not that Steve’s surprised. In fact, they’ve been getting along like aces and there are times that Bucky seems content to shadow Tony everywhere and it just makes a deep place in Steve’s heart hurt.

And he knows why it’s hurting, because the two people that he wants the most in this world feel like they’re slipping away from him.

That’s never more glaringly obvious than when Tony and Bucky leave the lab late to grab some food, or how Tony got the first half smile…okay to be fair, it looked more like a confused and baffled smirk, but still – from the Winter Soldier and most people have that reaction when Tony’s going off on one of his word vomit moments. Steve isn’t really sure how he feels about Bucky shadowing Tony around the Tower, but he guesses that it’s better than Bucky throwing Tony down again and almost breaking his neck.

There’s another feeling that Steve’s going through these days, and that’s the feeling that he’s looking through glass windows wishing that he could be there with the two of them, and then realizing that he can’t do that. The feeling of being outside looking in.

Nat, Sam and Clint have started giving him looks over the dinner table, their eyes watching their leader as he takes in the two people that he can’t touch, that he can’t have or be with and Steve wonders if they’re worried that this gap is going to hurt team dynamics.

He’s slightly afraid of it too. Each time he sees Tony laugh and poke at Bucky, or sees Bucky give an indulgent nod or smile back – he’s afraid of it. He’s not really sure who he’d go over there and yell at, but he can’t help the feeling that some sort of line is getting crossed here and he doesn’t like it.

Maybe that’s what possesses him to offer up Tony’s ‘team bonding’ event after Tony expresses that he’s ready to deem Bucky mentally prepared after the trauma that is B.A.R.F. to go outside again. Tony’s body language is still closed off to him when he says it in the lab, looking over the tablet in his hands as he goes over the information.

_“Bucky and I agreed when he started this whole thing that he’d agree to my timetable before he shot off after Hydra again.”_

_“He agreed to stay until you said he could go?” Steve asks incredulously._

_“He agreed that getting the triggers out and smoothing everything out up there was important enough to call a temporary cease fire.” Tony corrects. “Which I think I can say he’s showing enough improvement that I’m willing to say he’s good to start the fourth phase of B.A.R.F…Plus he needed time to adjust to the new tech off the field.”_

_“Fourth phase?”_

_“It’s the part where we actually try going after the memories themselves and putting them back together. Like a big puzzle in his noggin.”_

_“So…he could be cured soon?”_

_“He’s not sick Steve.” Tony says with a little more heat to the words than Steve would have expected. “He’s just…he just needs a little guidance. That’s it. I told you before we started this whole thing, that man in there is already Bucky Barnes and no amount of B.A.R.F. or Hydra is going to change that. He doesn’t need_ fixing _.”_

_“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” Steve says quickly. “You know I didn’t mean it like that.” Some of that fire dies down in Tony’s eyes._

_“Yeah…I know.” Tony says with a sigh. “I know it’s just…I guess sometimes I feel like everyone keeps looking at him like a broken timepiece that they want to hurry up and get it fixed so that it’ll tick properly and it just pisses me off…I can only imagine how he feels about the whole thing.” He puts down the tablet and Steve can see the moment he regrets the decision because he has nothing to do with his hands anymore. It leads to him tapping a nonsensical beat on the casing of the ARC reactor._

_“Thank you Tony…for doing all of this.” Steve says and Tony shakes his head with a sigh._

_“I can see why you love him. He’s not that bad when he’s not actively trying to be an asshole.” Those words end the conversation right then and there and Steve feels that Tony knew they would and that he did it on purpose._

“Wait…you want to what?” Sam asks, drawing his attention back to the present and out of the recollection sounding completely baffled and even Tony’s giving him a look like he’s lost his marbles. Like he never actually thought that it would happen or that Steve would be the one to offer it.

“Paintball.” Steve says, keeping his voice naturally firm. “It’ll be fun.”

“Fun?” Bruce says, arching an eyebrow as he glances at Tony. “Fun he says, like getting pelted by paintballs from Nat will be a ‘fun’ thing.”

“ _She’ll_ probably have fun.” Tony says before shrugging. “I mean, Cap and I already talked about it so he knows where I stand on this.”

“You agreed to this?” Sam asks Tony, looking at him like some alien pod person is present in front of them instead of Tony, before he snorts. “Actually what am I saying, of course you agreed to this. You’re insane.”

“Eccentric. I’m rich after all. Rich doesn’t do simple ‘insane’.” Tony fires back with a grin. “But yeah, I said yes. I even said that we should have Bucky come along.” Tony finishes with a careless shrug and Steve has to fight back the laugh at the heavy silence that follows his statement.

“…You want to have the Black Widow and the Winter Soldier go at each other while the rest of us run for cover?” Clint asks and Tony nods.

“Yup.” He says with a sunny grin. “That’s exactly what I want.”

“This is the craziest, stupidest, most foolish thing I have ever heard…and I love it. Sign me up, when are we doing this?” Clint says with a laugh and he and Tony high five each other in solidarity.

“That depends on how we want to do this.” Tony says, glancing at all of them. “We can set up the training rooms to be an obstacle course, which will take a few days at least to fandangle. Or I can rent out one of those paintball places for a kind of ‘Avengers Retreat’ sort of thing.” He pauses to think about the choices. “If we keep it in house, we can prevent any outside interference or issues but Pepper will probably kill me in the aftermath.” He cringes thinking about Pepper. “But if we outsource it…well I guess I don’t have to say how that adds a level of unpredictability to the whole endeavor.”

“We should go outside.” Bruce says. “If I trigger I’d rather not smash through to the bottom floor again.”

“That’s a good point.” Tony agrees.

“Are you comfortable with that?” Steve asks, turning towards Bucky who is standing in his corner as he has for the last few ‘Avengers Meetings’ that he pretends he’s not sitting in on. He glances at Steve with a look that’s pure _Bucky_ with its ‘are you kiddin me punk?’ smirk and Steve couldn’t fight the smile he gave him in return even if he’d wanted to.

“We can call it a ‘Welcome to the Team’ exercise.” Clint says and he gets a few nods as they all glance at Bucky. “I mean, because you’re kind of part of this family now whether you like it or not.” There’s a moment where Bucky doesn’t respond to the archer before he does a small shrug and Steve feels _hope_ blossom in his chest. Hope that Bucky will stay once Tony’s all finished helping him. Hope that he’ll be one of them, be at his side where he should have always been.

“So…Wednesday?” Tony ventures and he gets some nods.

“I’ll bring the cake.” Sam offers and he gets some snickers.

“I’ll bring the vodka.” Nat says with a sharp grin directed towards Bucky and the other man meets her smile with a challenge of his own.

…and that’s how they all end up at a paintball establishment outside the city, running around like idiots with fake guns and flags.

The warm up rounds were chaotic free for all’s that brought smiles to everyone’s faces as they ran from Bucky and Nat like their lives depended on it, throwing each other under the bus constantly and hooting and hollering like howler monkeys. It’s the only part that Bruce is allowed to be part of, since there’s no surprises happening and they’re all just in the large open area taking shots at each other randomly. Steve ducks behind a mound of hay when he sees Tony and Clint taking shots at each other while laughing. Tony takes a few steps back, trying to hide behind a covering and not noticing Bucky who sneaks up behind him, wrapping an arm around his chest and pulling him backwards to him while raising the gun to Tony’s temple.

“Bang.” He whispers into Tony’s ear, a word that Steve almost didn’t hear if he hadn’t been straining to hear it. The whole action makes Steve pause and stare for a moment at the two of them. It’s far too playful for the kind of man that Bucky’s been these last few months and there’s a hint of…almost _teasing_ that’s going along with the action and Tony rolls his eyes with a snort, like it’s nothing, like it’s just Bucky being Bucky as he pulls away and takes a few shots at the other man before Steve gets distracted by Nat who gets him back in gear by shooting him in the behind a few times.

He tries to push the whole event out of his mind later when they all come together.

“I vote two teams: Team Cap and Team Nat.” Tony says, rolling his shoulders and stretching. His body is covered in multicolored splotches of paint. “Anyone against it?”

“Nah, I’m good. I mean, next time we’ll totally have to let Nat and Bucky just be on a team all their own, but for this time I wanna see them go after each other.” Clint says with a shrug.

“Just next time why don’t we do something a little less painful if they’re gonna be pelting us? Like laser tag or something?” Sam mutters as he wipes away some paint that’s splattered onto his neck from a shoulder shot.

“Laser tag in the Tower? I’m down.” Tony replies easily. “Bruce, you playing or are you sitting this one out?”

“Nah, my heart rate’s elevated enough.” Bruce says. “I think things would turn a little too…green if I kept playing.” He reaches out for his bag and pulls out a book. “But I’ll be here, listening to the chaos and letting anyone else who walks by know that it’s cool. Nobody’s actually dying in there.”

“Alright, then we pick our teams?” Nat asks. “Clint, you’re on my side.” Clint whoops and looks at Steve.

“You’re going down.”

“Don’t get too cocky just yet. Bucky’s already on my team by default so I pick Tony.” Steve says before he can really think about it. After all, Tony’s always on his team for these sorts of games and he wonders for a moment if maybe Tony doesn’t want to be on his team anymore. But that fear is washed away when Tony nods and comes over, falling to his side like he always does and Steve takes a deep, relieved breath.

“So I’m on Nat’s team.” Sam says, heading over and high fiving Clint.

“Well let me just be the first to say that you’re all _fucked_.” Tony laughs. “But don’t worry, we’ll be kind…mostly.”

“Oh, just you wait Stark. We’re going to put you in the paintball graveyard.” Clint pokes back and Steve can’t help but chuckle at the sudden barrage of ridiculous threats and challenges being thrown between Tony, Clint and Sam as Bucky steps up to his side and waits patiently.

“So, capture the flag?” Steve asks once the other three are mostly finished and Nat nods.

“Capture the flag.” She looks at them. “How are we handling shots?”

“Hmm…if it wouldn’t stop you in real life, you get up and keep going. Anything ‘deadly’ though and you’re out of the game.”

“Sounds good.” Nat agrees and they all come over and shake hands before they rush off into their designated areas. Steve hunches down with the other two real fast.

“Okay, Buck you’re up high. Be aware, Clint’s probably your opposite and your main mission is Nat.” Bucky nods solemnly once, a little too much like the Winter Soldier and Steve almost wants to add ‘your mission is still part of the game though…don’t _really_ go after Nat’ but he stops it at the last second. “Tony, I need you to do what you do best and find the flag. I’ll be your cover and distraction.”

“Sounds good mon Capitan.” Tony says with a dramatic salute and a playful grin. They break when Bruce sounds the whistle and the game is on. Bucky disappears like a ghost, something that Steve’s still getting used to, and Tony covers his back. “So, Nat made sure that I didn’t see the layout for this course – I call cheating but whatever,” He mutters, “But I’m going to guess that the flag will be where Nat is.”

“She’ll be guarding it?” Steve asks and Tony snorts.

“I feel like she’ll be wearing it since Bucky’s on the field and you know how she doesn’t like to leave anything to chance.” There’s a tug on the back of his pants and Steve looks back confused. “With that in mind, you’re our flag – you should be used to wearing flags by now – so don’t get taken.”

“Pretty sure that’s cheating.” Steve mutters with a smile and Tony shrugs.

“All’s fair in love and war…and paintball.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how that phrase goes.”

“It’s how it goes now.” Tony quips back and the two of them push their way through the obstacles. They’re doing well enough, they’ve downed Sam, Steve’s been ‘killed’ quote on quote by Clint – who subsequently got shot by Bucky when he was doing a victory dance. He’s impressed by how Tony stays silent and hidden while Nat comes over and snatches the flag from her belt, shooting her in the side before running off like a madman to get the flag over their line and win the game. Nat curses up a storm in Russian as she moves to take the brunet out while adding a fake limp to her moves. Steve’s yelling for Tony to weave, and Tony’s laughing maniacally as he runs like his life depends on it, managing to barely avoid getting shot by Nat.

“Dasvidaniya” Nat says, leveling the gun and taking aim moments before Tony manages to cross the invisible line to their ‘fort’ – only to miss the shot when Bucky appears out of nowhere and _throws_ himself in front of Tony with some kind of Russian word himself that Steve doesn’t know the translation to.

Tony and Bucky fall down, Bucky landing on top of the other brunet as Clint lets out a howl like he’s just been killed.

“No!” He yells overdramatically, falling down to his knees and throwing his hands up in the air. It’s so over the top that Steve can’t help the smile he gets at it. Steve turns back to where Bucky and Tony are laying and there’s a falter in his step when he sees how Tony is laughing and smiling up at Bucky, saying something or other and Bucky is still pinning the brunet, hovering over him like there’s nothing more pressing in the world to him. There’s something….intimate about the position and the comfortable behavior and it makes Steve swallow to clear his suddenly dry throat.

“We won!” Tony says, completely pleased with himself as he waves the flag in Steve’s direction. Bucky glances at the others for a moment, his eyes catching Steve’s before there’s something almost amused crossing his face before he pushes himself to his feet, holding out his hand for Tony to take. Tony does so without hesitation and lets the other man pull him up to his feet. “My hero.” He says with a smile before looking back at ‘Team Nat’. “So, you all just got _owned_ by Team Cap.”

“You _barely_ got it inside your fortress.” Clint fires back. “That’s a barely won.”

“I got saved and had a tragic moment here with Bucky who just _died_ for me. Clearly I was able to press on and dominate.” Tony says with a snarky grin.

“Tragic deaths do not equal total domination.” Clint argues and Tony sticks his tongue out at him for a brief second.

“They so do.”

“Do not!”

“Do too!” The two of them continue on in that vein as they all make their way back to Bruce. The doctor glances up over his book at them with an arched eyebrow.

“Who won?” He asks and Tony immediately raises his hand.

“We did.”

“Barely!”

“We totally kicked ass.” The back and forth starts up again in a heartbeat and Steve goes over to where Bucky is taking off the armor.

“How did it go?” He asks and Bucky turns to him.

“What?”

“Your first ‘team bonding’?”

“…It was alright.” Bucky says after a moment. “You’re all insane.”

“Except Tony.” Steve says, smiling. “Apparently he’s too rich to be crazy with the rest of us.”

“He’s a punk.” Bucky says and the smile on Steve’s face falters a bit. Bucky gives him an arched eyebrow at it and Steve barely shakes himself back into the present.

“Oh…it’s nothing…you just…that’s usually how you referred to me.” Steve says, and he’s trying to keep the pain out of his voice as Bucky nods.

“You’re both punks.” He says before putting down the gun. “How did either of you survive without me?” There’s a stilted sort of joking playfulness in Bucky’s voice, like he’s testing the waters and the smile is back.

“Haven’t the faintest idea.”

They all return to the Tower where both Nat and Sam have made good on their promises and they break into the cake and vodka. Tony and Nat challenge each other to a drinking competition that Steve’s actually rather concerned with how long it took JARVIS to demand that they call it a draw, and how despite how much the two have consumed they just look a little more rosy cheeked instead of passed out on the floor as they should be.

Drunk Tony is a Tony that Steve doesn’t see as often as the outside world seems to think they do, and he’s always different than how Steve would think he would be. He’s freer in his actions and speech with everyone, telling them how amazing they are and seeking out similar compliments and he becomes so tactile. That’s usually how Steve knows it’s time to shuffle him off to bed. Tony pushes away his hands this time though, reaching out for Bucky and grabbing his metal wrist.

“I gotta…no, I got a gift. For you. I want to show it. Bucky you’re with me.” Tony says, dragging the man behind him and the image is hilarious in its own way as they take off. Steve barely manages to turn back from where they’ve left when Nat sits down in front of him with another slice of cake in her hands.

“How are you doing?” She asks, and her speech is impeccable – it’s how Steve knows she’s feeling it despite the act she’s putting on.

“Fine?”

“So…you’re completely okay with this new development?”

“What development?”

“Bucky and Tony?” She asks, taking a slow bite and watching him. Steve wonders how much she’s actually taking in and how much will be lost with the hangover tomorrow.

“They’re good friends.” Steve says. “And I’m happy about that.”

“You got angry with me once…for not telling you about things right in front of your face.” She says and Steve sighs.

“There’s nothing going on between them.” He says and she shakes her head.

“Nope.”

“Then why are you bringing it up?”

“Because they want there to be something.” She answers him. “Or at least, Bucky wants there to be something, I’m unsure how Tony fully feels. He’s ostrich-ing.” The words hit him like a punch.

“Ostrich-ing?”

“Sticking his head in the sand. Pretending it’s not happening.” She fills in and shakes her head. “You need to step in.”

“If they want to-”

“Steve. Don’t be an idiot.” She snaps. “Don’t be passive about this. You want them, in a weird twist of fate they want each other-” Clint comes over suddenly as he wraps an arm over her shoulders.

“And…now it’s time for bed.” He says softly as he takes the plate away from her. “I’m exhausted.” He says to Nat when she clearly goes to argue with him and he does an overdramatic yawn.

“I’m helping.” She says and Clint nods.

“Yeah, I know, you’re being a great bro….but they’ve got to figure this out on their own.”

“They’re idiots.”

“Compared to you, everyone else is.” Clint says, helping her off the stool and taking her down the hall. Steve’s eyes follow them until they’re gone and he lands on Bruce who is just sipping away his tea and looking at his book again.

“She’s right you know.” He says as he flips a page. “You’re all blind idiots.”

“Bucky has a right to go to whoever he wants.” Steve says, and the words feel like sandpaper on his tongue. Although, he figures if he were going to lose Tony and Bucky…it seems less painful that they’re finding each other and not some random unknown outsider.

“Bucky still wants you.”

“He doesn’t really remember me.” Steve fires back and Bruce sighs.

“He’s remembered enough, we’ve all seen it. It may not be everything that you remember, but it’s there.” Bruce puts his bookmark on the page and closes his book. “And apparently…you both share a similar type.” He says as he stands to leave. “We’re your friends…and you should know that we don’t care.”

“Care about what?”

“Anything that isn’t hurting anyone.” Comes Bruce’s reply as he leaves the area and Steve sits there for a few moments before he pushes himself to his feet and goes down to the lab. He can hear Tony’s excited rambling as he approaches and it brings a smile to his face as he turns the corner to see Bucky standing there, looking at some screens and Tony motioning wildly to them. He pauses where he is and leans against the frame, curious to see their interactions when no one else is around.

“It’s gonna work so well. JARVIS is uploaded into them for now and he’ll be able to assist…I’ll have to finish up a new AI for a more permanent solution though.” Tony’s saying as he holds up Bucky’s goggles from his Winter Soldier mask. “I know you liked the whole look they gave you, and I’ll admit the murder strut is hot so no complaints from me on letting you keep it.” _Murder strut?_ Steve mouths to himself as he sees Bucky smirk. Tony seems oblivious to what’s coming out of his mouth, as he usually was when he started going on all of the new bells and whistles that he had added to one of their equipment and it makes Steve feel such a fondness for him. “You’re gonna be an Avenger now, so you need all the help you can get.”

“I’m pretty tough.”

“So is Steve and that moron used to go into battle in tights. _Tights_.”

“I don’t remember that.”

“I’ve seen the costume.” Tony says with a laugh. “I would _pay_ to see Rogers in it. Seriously, just point me to who I need to write the check to and it will be done.”

“You’re talkin the costume from his stage days?” Bucky asks and Steve cringes at the memory of it. God that thing was embarrassing. “Would you want him to lift a motorcycle over his head as well?” There’s a tone in Bucky’s voice that Steve registers – or certain parts of Steve registers – as being either dangerous or dangerously fun. Tony takes a moment as if thinking about it and Steve can’t help but watch as he takes a breath and wets his lips.

“I’m sure it was impressive.”

“I’m sure it was.” Bucky agrees, “I never got to see it. Real shame.”

“Maybe you can convince him to get up in it. For your memories of course.” Tony says, playfully shooting a look at Bucky.

“He’d have to go all out. Song and everything.” Bucky agrees and Tony can’t seem to help the joyous laughter that escapes his lips.

“God that would be fantastic.” Tony says. “Seriously, if you manage it I will write you a check with so many zeros your head will spin.”

“What if I don’t want money for it?” Bucky asks and Tony tilts his head. It’s clear he’s about to ask what Bucky would want instead when Bucky pushes off the table he’s leaning against and, as Tony would call it, _murder struts_ towards the engineer. Tony’s eyes go wide and he takes a step back, only to get boxed in by the assassin against the wall. Bucky just stands there for a moment, looking down at Tony, arms bracketing him in before he leans down and kisses him.

It knocks the air out of Steve like a punch. It was one thing to have Nat mention it in theory, it’s an entirely separate thing to see it in person. Tony reaches up and pulls Bucky to him for a few moments before he pushes back with a panicked sounding noise.

“No!” He gasps as Bucky leans back at his push. “No no no no no no.” Tony starts rambling in a similar vein as he slides out from under one of Bucky’s arms and backs away from him, pulling at his hair in what looks to be horror. “What have I done?” He’s asking himself and Bucky goes to take a step towards him but he holds out a hand to stop him. “No! No no no! This – this didn’t happen. Holy fuck this didn’t happen.” He says quickly. “God Bucky…you’re _Steve’s_. What am I? What have I?” He cuts off with a horrified sounding wheeze.

“I’m my own.” Bucky says firmly. “Isn’t that what you’ve been saying this whole time?”

“I know you’re your own…I know that…but holy crap…” Tony looks at him. “I thought you said you were remembering? I thought you said that you were just feeling ‘unsure’ about how to approach Steve now?”

“I have remembered.” Bucky agrees and Steve stares at him. “Things are…clearer than they’ve been in a long time.”

“Then you know what the fuck I mean when I say you’re Steve’s.” Tony snaps at him. “Holy fuck, none of this was supposed to happen. I was going to just bow out damn it. I was going to let you have your fairy tale fucking ending and then I go and-” He stumbles back and almost falls over but DUM-E steadies him in time.

“You and Stevie?” Bucky asks, not actually sounding surprised by it and Tony shakes his head.

“No. Steve’s never…I mean, there’s nothing…what does it matter?” Tony’s starting to look backed in a corner despite being in the middle of his lab and his tone is turning defensive. “Nothing is going to happen between him and I because he’s yours, and _nothing_ is going to happen between you and me because you’re his. I wouldn’t hurt him like that.”

“And whose are you?” Bucky asks and Tony lets out a wounded sound.

“I guess I’m the one that’s just fucked.” He says as he rubs a hand over his face. “Shit. I need…I need you to leave.” He says and Bucky nods once, moving to go past him.

“Good night Tony.” He says and Tony nods.

“Good night Bucky.” 

 

+++

The hangover in the morning isn’t nearly as bad as Tony wishes it was. He feels like crap and he knows it’s not because of Natasha’s vodka. Groaning on the couch, Tony rolls over and almost pitches into the floor when he first tries to get up. It’s only a lifetime of moments like this that keep him from doing so and actually forcing himself to his feet.

“J, call Rhodey.” He says before his brain can even fully process the request and the screen pops up moments later. Rhodey answers promptly as he always does and he takes one look at Tony and there’s that concern that Tony’s seen since he was fifteen.

“What happened? Is everything okay?”

“I kissed Bucky.” Tony blurts out and Rhodey doesn’t look as scandalized or as surprised as Tony feels he should given the statement he’s just made. “Well…more like he kissed me but that’s not the point.”

“Okay?”

“Okay? That’s it? That’s all you have to say?” Tony’s voice goes high and slightly panicked and Rhodey turns his full attention to the screen, putting down his breakfast bowl.

“Tones…Tones look at me.” Tony does what’s been asked of him. “I’m not surprised in the slightest.”

“How are you not-”

“Can I finish?” Rhodey cuts him off gently and Tony nods. “I’ve been there Tony. I’ve been in the shop while you were working on his arm or when you needed a second person on hand for all of those upgrades.” Rhodey says. “I mean…the writing was on the wall by the second week at least.”

“How?” Tony asks and he sounds miserable.

“I can’t answer that for you, but I can say that I think it was mutual.”

“It can’t be mutual.” Tony says. “I mean – I told Steve off when he kissed me-” Rhodey sits up.

“Wait – Steve kissed you? When? Why is this the first I’m hearing about it?” Rhodey sounds annoyed and not for the reason that Tony feels like he should.

“It was the day of the whole-” He motions to his neck. “Incident.”

“Horrible timing Rogers.” Rhodey snorts and Tony shakes his head.

“I don’t feel like you’re taking this as seriously as you should be.” He says and Rhodey looks at him.

“I’m taking it seriously. As in I will seriously come over there and beat the shit out of any super soldier who puts his hands on you if you’ve told him to back off so you better leave some for me after you’ve beaten the crap out of them.” Rhodey says before he tilts his head. “But I’m not going to lie…I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that you, Rogers and Barnes…came to certain arrangements.”

“What kind of arrangements?” Tony asks and his voice sounds tight.

“Tones…I _know_ I don’t need to fill in the blanks for you on that one. You’re not _that_ hungover.”

“I shouldn’t have called.” Tony says, horrified by the thought crossing his mind now and Rhodey sighs.

“Yes you should have.” He says. “And what do you want me to say Tony?”

“I don’t know? Be horrified at what a terrible person your best friend is?”

“My _brother_ is an amazing man and I won’t hear of anyone speaking bad about him – not even himself.” Rhodey fires back and Tony groans and rubs a hand over his face.

“Why is this happening?”

“Because the fates just love throwing shit at you just to see how you respond?” Rhodey says playfully and Tony sighs. “But maybe I’m not the one you should be talking to.” Rhodey hedges. “Maybe you need to have a talk with Steve and Bucky.”

“I can’t do that!” Tony says.

“I think you have to.” Rhodey replies. “I mean, I can come out there, and I can play referee like you think you want me to but I don’t actually think you _really_ want me to…or you can just sit down and have a grown up conversation with them.”

“And what am I supposed to say? Sorry I kissed your boyfriend don’t punch me, but hey – can I do it again?” He asks and Rhodey snorts.

“I wouldn’t recommend opening with that, but if that’s what comes out I’m sure it’ll do the trick.”

“You’re not helping.” Tony groans.

“Yes I am Tones…and you know I am.” He says. “You need to go talk with them.”

“They’ll hate me.” Tony mutters, terrified at the possibility.

“I’m pretty sure that two people who can’t seem to keep their tongues out of your mouth aren’t exactly going to hate you when you mention that you’d like them to keep doing that, but that’s just me.” Tony sighs and runs a hand through his hair. God this was going to end so terribly.

He was going to need a lot of coffee for this.

…and probably a shower would be a good idea too.

+++

“Hey Stevie.” Bucky says from inside the doorframe and Steve pauses in his assault on the punching bag. He grabs it to steady it as he turns and takes in the other man lounging against the frame with his arms crossed.

“Hey Buck.” Steve replies, and he’s trying to keep the rage and the betrayal out of his voice. All last night his mind kept replaying the kiss and Bucky’s confession that he’s remembered everything and he’s just been stringing Steve along.

“Need a spotter?” Bucky offers and Steve shakes his head.

“No, I was just finished.” He lies, he’s got too much energy coursing through him right now and he doesn’t trust himself not to lash out on accident.

“Perfect. Because I could use a partner.” He pushes off the frame and heads towards the ring. Tony usually fights there with Happy or Rhodes while Steve’s never really had much use for it. Steve goes to say something, but Bucky just holds the rope up for him and he pushes himself inside of it, waiting for the other man to start.

When he does, it’s fast and brutal.

It Steve wasn’t so angry at Bucky, he’d be concerned if Bucky were angry with _him_.

“Stop holding back.” Bucky growls at him and Steve shakes his head as he barely manages to avoid a hit to the face.

“What the hell Bucky? What?” He asks, sidestepping as quickly as he can as Bucky keeps on with the offense.

“You’re being a _fucking_ coward.” Bucky snarls, clocking Steve a good one once and Steve falls back against the ropes. “The little shit I remember was never a fucking coward.” Bucky adds on, rolling his new shoulder.

“Coward?” Steve asks, slowly pushing himself back onto his feet. “How am I being a coward?”

“I’m never going to be your ‘Bucky’ again.” Bucky says and it’s stated like it’s a fact and it knocks the wind and the fight out of Steve.

“That’s it.” Steve says, moving to leave the ring. “We’re done.” He doesn’t get a chance to leave when Bucky’s pulling him back and Steve’s dodging hits again. “Damn it! I said that’s enough!”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” Bucky fires back. “This is _enough_.”

“What are you even talking about?”

“The moping. The ‘woe is me’ bullshit that you’ve got weighing down on your shoulders.” Bucky says finally and Steve does feel for a moment that they’re struggling against two totally different things. Steve’s angry about Tony…Bucky’s angry about Steve. “Are you just going to stand there with that dumb look on your face or are you going to _fight back_?” It feels like Bucky’s asking something of him and as usual, Steve’s body moves to give it to him without fully consulting his brain. “I’ve done terrible things.”

“We all have.” Steve replies.

“And I’ve gone through worse.” Bucky says as they block each other’s hits.

“I’m…I’m sorry.” Steve says and his voice cracks for a second and his grip loosens and Bucky’s on him with a newfound fury.

“It…wasn’t…your…fault.” Bucky growls out between the hits and Steve feels like he’s being dishonest.

“I shouldn’t…have left….you.” Steve huffs back. “I should….have gone back.”

“It happened. Nothing will change that.” Bucky says as he pushes back and they both try to catch their breath. “I’m here and you still don’t see me.” He snaps before he’s launching again and Steve tackles him to the floor where they grapple and snarl at each other before Bucky pins him down with his metal arm. “All that talk about not caring, about takin me as I am and it’s a fucking lie Rogers.” He says down at him. “I’m right here, and you act as though you’re waiting for me to come back. Stop fucking waiting.” There’s a brief lull between them as those words settle, before Steve’s reaching up and getting a good hold in Bucky’s hair before he yanks him down for a kiss. It’s desperate and determined and everything that Steve wanted and needed from the moment he saw Bucky on that street with a confused look on his face till now. Bucky seems just as affected by it, practically devouring Steve on the floor and when they break apart for air he just sees that self-satisfied smug look on Bucky’s face. “About fucking time.” He says and Steve nods once before pulling him back down, Bucky comes willingly. 

 

+++

“Should I go for casual? Or business? Or business casual?” Tony asks JARVIS, looking at the options he has available on his bed.

 ** _“I do believe the correct answer here is whichever makes you feel more comfortable?”_** JARVIS replies and Tony groans, running his hands through his wet hair.

“I don’t want ‘comfortable’ I want…I mean, I want the best outfit for a ‘Hey so I know you guys haven’t really figured out what’s going on between you yet and I was wondering if while you were doing that if maybe there might be room in there for me?’ conversation…” Tony lets out a sigh. “God I’m ridiculous. I shouldn’t be doing this.” He says for the twentieth time so far.

**_“I do believe that the in-between suit might be your best option. Many have expressed their approval of you in it. A ‘best of both worlds’ I believe is the correct phrase?”_ **

“Tailoring and a great pair of jeans, gets them every time.” Tony says with a chuckle. He takes a few minutes before he nods. “Okay…okay yeah, I’ll go with it. Thanks J.”

**_“Of course Sir.”_ **

“Where are they right now? Am I going to have to wrangle them? Should I talk to them separately? If I do…who do I talk to first?”

**_“Sgt. Barnes has just entered the gym where Captain Rogers is currently located. They seem to be preparing to spar. There are no others in the vicinity.”_ **

“Okay…cool…that’s…that’s awesome…” Tony mutters as he shrugs on the chosen outfit and smooths it down. “Wish me luck J.”

**_“Best of luck Sir.”_ **

“Um…how about blackout on this?” Tony says self-consciously. “I mean…I don’t think I want video proof of them shooting me down.”

**_“Very well, cameras have been turned off in the gym at this time.”_ **

“Are they still there?”

**_“They had moved to the ring, they seem to be working out some aggression when I stopped recording.”_ **

“Well, at least they’ll be tired.” Tony mutters to himself. “Less likely to curse me out or punch me.” He gives JARVIS one final salute as he starts his way down the hall going through various openings and possible conversations and shaking his head at each and every single one. “God Stark, you used to be smooth…what happened to that?” He asks himself as he stops at the door. This is the moment, he’ll feel around the conversation and see where it takes them. Maybe…maybe there _is_ room for him while they’re figuring out everything else. After all, Steve and Bucky didn’t seem any closer to figuring out their shit and if last night was anything to go by then maybe they wouldn’t be too opposed to the idea in the interim.

Tony’s hand falters on the door. Is he ready to do this? Like really ready? What happens when they finally fall back into old patterns and Tony is left out in the cold? Tony shakes his head and figures that it’s a now or never sort of moment here, just rip off the Band-Aid and offer it up. He takes a deep breath before he pushes open the door, and he feels himself come to a complete stop.

They’re…he just…they’re actually…

Tony quickly pulls himself out of the room and closes the door as quietly as possible. His hands are shaking and there’s a phantom pain in his chest that feels like the shrapnel is moving again although the glow of the ARC under his shirt informs him that this isn’t the case.

 ** _“Sir?”_** JARVIS asks and Tony gives a shaky smile towards the ceiling.

“Guess I’m a few minutes too late.” He says tightly. “Oh well…guess I was right…it was never going to happen…” He doesn’t fully know what to do with himself out in the hallway, and he _really_ doesn’t want to be out here when the two super soldiers exit the room. “JARVIS, we’ll need a deep clean of the ring.” He says as he forces one foot to move in front of the other.

 ** _“I’ll program in an extra cycle”_** JARVIS says, almost carefully so and Tony appreciates it as he pushes the button for the elevator.

“Hey Tony, how you feeling this morning?” Clint asks with a grin as he comes over. “You’re looking nice, you going somewhere?”

“Nope. Just the lab.” He says and Clint’s grin drops off his face.

“Hey, are you okay?” He asks and Tony steps into the elevator and gives him a tight smile.

“I’m always okay.” He answers him as the door close, and it’s a mantra that he keeps telling himself.

+++

Steve feels giddy in a way that he hasn’t felt for a while as he and Bucky stumble out of the gym. He can’t help but keep shooting sideways glances at the other man and Bucky chuckles in fond exasperation at Steve’s antics before pushing Steve against the wall and laying one on him and then continuing on, forcing Steve to jog a little to keep up with him.

“I’m hungry.” Steve mutters to Bucky, one of the times that Steve’s the one to push Bucky against the wall and Bucky snorts.

“Join the club, I’m always hungry.”

“It’s the serum.” Steve replies as they both head to the kitchen. They’re barely inside when they see Nat, Clint and Bruce muttering over something with serious looks on their faces. “Hey guys? What’s up?” Steve asks and he watches as they all look at him, take in how he’s holding Bucky’s hand and then they shoot each other looks.

“Well that answers that.” Clint says and he gets two nods.

“Shit.” Nat mutters as she runs a hand through her hair. She looks at Bruce. “Should we call Rhodes or do you think you should go?”

“Rhodes?” Steve asks, coming over and feeling a sudden worry in their behaviors. There’s really only one reason to call Rhodes when there isn’t a mission happening. “Is everything okay? Is Tony okay?”

“Tony’s always okay.” Clint mutters with a shake of his head and Steve knows in that moment that something has gone down with Tony.

“Is something up? Is he…I’ll go check on him.”

“No!” He jerks back in surprise at the various shouts from all three of them and he stares at them confused.

“It was him…wasn’t it?” Bucky asks behind him and Steve turns to give him a confused look.

“What was him?”

“Were any of you the one who came into the gym?” Bucky asks and Steve can’t help but turn a little red at the connotation of that question. He gets nothing but a bunch of negatives and he sighs. “So it was him.”

“What?” Steve asks and Bucky looks at him.

“Tony came in while we were fu-”

“Fighting.” Steve cuts him off quickly and everyone gives him a look like he’s not as subtle as he thinks he is. “While we were _fighting_.” It takes him a second for the gravity of that thought to settle though. “Oh my god.”

“I’ll go.” Bruce says, standing up and Bucky shakes his head.

“Nah. We’ll go.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Bruce argues and Bucky shakes his head.

“We’ll go.” He reiterates and Steve slowly nods.

“No, Bucky’s right. We’ll go…this…this is between us.” Steve says as he looks at all of them. “We’ll handle it.” He gets a few looks that tell him everything he needs to know – that they will bury him somewhere where not even Fury will find the body if he hurts Tony more than they probably already have.

They get up and go into the hallway and Steve’s feeling jittery when they step into the elevator and the doors close. There’s a second before he hears Bucky break through his growing panic.

“JARVIS, can we stop real fast?” He asks aloud and the elevator comes to a halt. “Thank you.”

“Buck?” Steve asks, turning towards him and Bucky’s giving him a look.

“I know you saw us.” He says and Steve takes a moment, he considers acting dumb, but he knows exactly what Bucky is talking about.

“You knew?”

“Of course I knew you were there punk. I knew the minute you came down.” He replies almost flippantly.

“Then why would you kiss him if you knew I was there?” Steve demands and Bucky gives him a look that he’s having a hard time navigating.

“Because I wanted to.” Bucky replies. “Because you’ve wanted to and because he wants to.”

“Tony doesn’t-”

“Punk.” Bucky says with a warning and Steve runs a hand through his hair. “I know you love him. It’s so fucking obvious that I’m actually wondering how people call him a genius when he doesn’t know.”

“It’s…complicated Bucky…hell, how can you be so calm about this?” Steve asks and Bucky shrugs.

“I’ve dealt with being a blow up murder doll for Hydra for over fifty years.” He says so carelessly. “I’ve dealt with being two people at once, and then one, and then two again and now back to one. The few things that I know for dead certain are this: I will kill Hydra with my own two hands, I’ve loved you since you were a tiny little squirt with no self-preservation instinct who decided to step up to Collin what’s-his-name because he was picking on me and got your ass handed to you.” Steve gets a small smile at the memory himself. “And that somewhere along the line…Tony Stark became mine.” He looks at Steve. “I’m guessing it’s because he was the first to accept the Asset as he was, and helped me piece the two of us back together again, but there it is.” Steve takes a moment in the face of Bucky’s confession before he sighs and speaks his own.

“Tony was the first person I met who wasn’t SHIELD when I woke up, and he…he didn’t care about ‘Captain America’, not really – he wanted to get to know Steve Rogers, the stupid artist from Brooklyn and he’s never changed his mind about that.” Steve sighs. “And I don’t know, I guess I was lost when I woke up here…and he just…kept me going. He made sure that I looked forward to tomorrow…and…and I fell in love with him for it.” Bucky gets a grin like Steve’s given the right answer to a test he didn’t realize he was taking and Steve smiles back at him. “What…what are we supposed to say to him?”

“I think that’s the easy part punk.”

“It is?”

“After all this? Yeah, I’d say it is.” He reaches out and hits the button for the shop again. “Thank you J.” He says up to the AI when the elevator starts moving again and Steve isn’t sure how he feels about whatever is happening, but he knows that it’s a good thing.

The doors open and Steve and Bucky step out to see Tony standing in the shop, eyes taking in the screens and creating marvels like he always does. Steve steps forward and knocks on the glass to get his attention and he sees the hurt look in the brunet’s eyes when he takes them in before he plasters a fake smile on his face.

“Come on in.” Tony greets and the two of them enter the lab. “What brings you two popsicles down?”

“Tony…” Steve starts and he turns to Bucky who gives him a grin and a nod, and he takes his hand before turning back to him. “I think there’s something we should talk about.” It’s clear that Tony misunderstands why they’re down there because the fake smile stays plastered on his face and he’s pretending that he’s surprised that they’re together.

“Hey, look at that. About time right? Good for you.” He says and his words are tight, clearly in spite of his attempts to make them sound friendly and natural. Steve has a moment of self-hatred at this whole scenario.

Tony’s in pain…and its Steve’s fault. It’s been Steve’s fault since the beginning. Tony reaches out and starts fiddling with something, pretending that he’s still semi busy, but Steve knows it’s just so that he can have something to distract himself with and keep his hands busy.

“Can we talk?” Steve asks gently and Tony doesn’t look up as he nods.

“Of course, my doors open anytime Cap, you know that.” He says and Steve sends a quick glance at Bucky, who has a blank look on his face that Steve wishes he could read right now.

“Um…Bucky and I…we wanted to talk to you…” The words seem to abandon Steve, and he stumbles over the explanation unsurely.

“Oh, it’s perfectly fine. Don’t worry about it. I’ll have someone come move it all later today.” Tony replies and he’s answering a question that Steve hasn’t asked.

“What?” He asks and Tony doesn’t look up from his tinkering, ripping off another piece and setting it down on his desk.

“I’m guessing that you want his stuff moved into your room? You’ve got the bigger of the two but I guess if you want it to go the other way around just say the word and it’ll be done.”

“That’s not why we’re here.” Bucky says and Tony’s hands pause for a second as he seems to take a deep breath and prepare himself for something before he finally looks up at them.

“What brings you down to my casa then?” He asks, and it doesn’t have its levity that it usually does. “What do you need? If we can just hurry this along that’d be great, because I’ve got a lot of work to be catching up on.”

“You look nice.” Bucky says instead of answering Tony’s question and Steve turns to give him a confused look, silently asking him why he’s taking that route, but Steve figures that he’s already doing better than he is. At least he’s _starting_ to get down the path that they wanted to go down. Steve’s still just standing here unsure.

“News flash Terminator, I always look good.” Tony replies back on habit. “But I’m sure you didn’t come down here to compliment me on my fashion choices. So what’ll it be?” Tony asks, finally putting down the thing he’s been fidgeting with and the look on his face says that he’s come to some kind of conclusion as to why they’re down here. “Something need an upgrade? Wanna go on a trip? Like a second honeymoon? There’s this water cruise thing that goes up the coast of Italy if you feel so inclined. Just say the word and I’ll get you the best suite they have. Lay it on me.” A deep, uncomfortable feeling settles in his gut at Tony’s words.

Tony thinks they’re here to get something from him. Money or tech or whatever, and it rankles Steve. Tony should know by now that he doesn’t need to keep them happy with toys and the like to keep them around, and it always hurts whenever that unsure side of Tony rears its head. Steve had hoped that it was done doing so with Steve, but apparently that’s not the case.

“Have you been on it?” Bucky asks and Tony tilts his head.

“The cruise? No, thought about it once but it fell through.” He answers him. “But it’d be a great place to get away for a minute. Let you two…bond.” He says carefully. “Although I do feel like reminding you both that there’s a rule about ‘bonding’ not happening in common areas. And socks on the door, I’m sure I remember telling you about the socks on the doors.” Steve flushes red at the remembrance and Bucky shrugs.

“Sounds good.” He says carelessly. “Book a room for three? You got some free time on your hands?” Bucky asks him and Tony pauses for a second, tilting his head and getting a slightly amused, slightly pained smile.

“I think you missed the part about ‘bonding’.” He says and Bucky shakes his head.

“Nah, I caught that. Perfect place to go away for bonding, lots of bonding. Can’t wait for the three of us to _bond_.” He replies and Tony lets his head drop for a few seconds while he lets out a soft, almost disbelieving chuckle. Like he really thinks that Bucky’s just not getting it.

“I’m not talking ‘team bonding’ here.” He says, looking up at Bucky who has moved from Steve’s side and is standing in front of Tony. There’s a brief look of surprise on Tony’s face before it falls away.

“Neither am I.” Bucky replies and Steve knows what’s coming even though it’s obvious that Tony doesn’t. Bucky reaches out, cupping the back of Tony’s neck with his metal hand before he leans down and kisses Tony right in front of him.

It’s simultaneously like the first time Steve saw them kiss, and nothing like the first time at the same time. There’s a heat in his gut that wasn’t present in the last viewing, but this one…this one is different, this one is all promises and everything that Steve has secretly wished for and dreamed about – far too many dreams to be healthy if he’s honest and damn Bucky for already knowing it.

Steve comes up to their side as Bucky pulls away and Tony’s eyes are still closed for a second as he seems to be trying to get his brain to catch up.

“What?” He asks breathily, opening his eyes and looking at the two of them. “What’s going on?” There’s a small sound of…something that sounds like _hope_ and it gives Steve the courage to lean down next.

“Like we said, we wanted to talk to you about something.” He whispers close to Tony and Tony’s face is adorably confused and clearly unsure if he’s reading the situation correctly.

“Talk?” He asks and Steve does a shrug.

“Eh, maybe Bucky’s on to something.” Steve says as he finally leans in closer and presses his lips to Tony’s. Bucky’s other hand comes up and rests on the back of Steve’s neck and the whole thing feels so forbidden and intimate that Steve almost loses it right there. “If this…if this is something you want…we want it too.” Steve manages to breathe out after they pull away and Tony’s look goes disbelieving.

“Are you _fucking_ kidding me right now?” He snaps and reaches up, grabbing Steve by the hair and pulling him back down in a kiss that’s nothing like the tentative kisses of the past. “I was coming up to offer…” Tony mutters, sounding almost disbelieving and Steve feels Bucky pull him back gently with his hold on his neck.

“Share.” Bucky tells him as he leans back down and Tony welcomes him with a good amount of enthusiasm and open arms. “So punk…about that _bonding_ …” Bucky practically purrs and Tony lets out a snort of laughter.

“Sounds good, fantastic even, J book us a suite…but we’ll have to make a pit stop.” He says and Steve tilts his head.

“Pit stop?”

“I’ll kill the security if you go in to retrieve it.” Tony says, talking to Bucky and it takes Bucky a second to catch up to whatever Tony’s talking about and he gets a dark grin that makes Steve’s stomach twist in knots at the promise it’s giving.

“Sounds good…shall I get the motorcycle as well?” He asks and Tony lets out a snort.

“I doubt we’d be able to sneak that onto the ship, but god I wish we could.”

“I don’t know, I’m pretty resourceful and with your ingenuity? I’m sure we can figure something out.”

“Our poor cabin neighbors…they’re going to be _so confused_.” Tony laughs and Steve can’t help the smile he gives them at their plotting.

“I’ll admit that I’m right there with them. What are you two talking about?” He asks and they both look at him with matching dark looks in their eyes.

“If we get it, you _have_ to wear it.” Tony says and it takes Steve a moment to fully catch up to what they’re talking about, and he can’t help the laughter and the shake of his head.

“It can’t have been _that_ sexy.” He tells them. “I seem to recall getting booed off the stage.”

“Dumb ass audience then.” Tony says. “Please say you’ll wear it.”

“I feel strangely objectified here.” Steve says with no real heat behind it. “And I give no promises that I don’t burst into laughter if you try to make me do the song.” He warns and they smile at him like he’s just given them Christmas morning early.

“So, good talk?” Bucky asks Tony and Tony nods.

“Great talk.” He replies, leaning up and pecking Bucky on the lips. “Now we’ve got a national treasure to steal.”

“I’m right behind you. Steve go pack.” Bucky says and Steve shakes his head as the two of them practically scuttle out of the room.

“Hey JARVIS?” Steve asks, having been left behind.

**_“Yes Captain?”_ **

“Should I tell them that I technically only loaned the costume to the museum and that I could just make a call and they’d give it to me?”

 ** _“I believe it’s already too late for that Captain.”_** JARVIS says after a minute and Steve chuckles to himself as he heads up to make their plans known and pack for their… _bonding_ trip.

“How did it go?” Nat asks when he comes upstairs and there’s a small smile on her face that tells him she already knows.

“Perfect.” He says, and he means it. “It went better than I could have ever imagined.” She nods and he sees Bruce, Clint and Sam standing within the doorframe nearby and they’ve all got matching looks of approval.

“Just a heads up Captain.” Bruce says with a friendly smile. “Break his heart and I’ll break your legs so bad even the serum won’t heal you.” There’s a brief flash of green in his eyes that tells Steve that the Hulk agrees with the threat and Steve nods slowly.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” He says.

“Good, because broken legs would be the least of your concerns.” Clint says with his own grin. “I’d just kill you.” Steve’s eyes widen a little in surprise.

“Noted.” He says, slightly proud of their protective nature towards Tony and slightly terrified at seeing it turned against him. Natasha pats him on the arm.

“No one would find your body.” She warns him with a parting smile. “Now go pack. We’ll see you when you return.” They all leave him in the hall and he can’t fight the smile that comes to his face as he makes his way to his room and starts packing.

Who could have ever guessed this is how it would turn out? He thinks to himself and he closes the zipper.

 ** _“Captain, there’s a call for you.”_** JARVIS says and Steve figures that it’s Tony or Bucky telling him of their success. He can’t stop the elated feeling. He feels like he’s on cloud nine right now and that nothing can put a damper on how he’s feeling.

“Connect.” He says, ready to face either of them and he freezes when he sees Rhodes on the screen.

…Oh God he’s so dead.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Please no comments of a critiquing or negative nature. Thank you!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] If Only](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13603791) by [RsCreighton](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RsCreighton/pseuds/RsCreighton)




End file.
